I completely and utterly hate myself and have no idea how to ge tback to the gir!

I completely and utterly hate myself and have no idea how to ge tback to the girl i used to be?

I have totally screwed up my life and now there is nothing i can do to fix it, i dont want ot study, i dont want to live wher ei live i dont want to go back overseas there is nothing that i want to do or anything that i do want to do i cant, which means that from this moment onwards i am onlydoing things becuas ei have to not becuase i want to, what a horrible way to live and i used to be such a wicked carefree girl, how can i get back to her?

You avoided social pressures to change now there are no groups that like you. I was there once and discovered they didn't want me because I knew none of their secret ways for life as a group. You must find people who are like yourself. It is very unlikely you can become like your last group.