What's really going on when a man shuts down?!


Question:

What's really going on when a man shuts down?

He seems to be willing to talk about subjects that interest him such as alcohol, coworkers (could be a front or show he is giving me). But I can ask him a simple yes or no question or a question that only redquires a one-word answer, and it's like he instantly turns off that light switch and the guard goes up instantly. What the heck is going on here? I suspect the worst case scenario when he does this. I am totally perplexed about his behaviour. It is very difficult for me to trust him because of his past and present behaviours (he has had cheating signs and has admitted it to me that he did it in the past but claims he is trying to be better to me now). I feel so disrespected when he won't even answer a question as simple as what did you clean this with. He says he wants me to trust him. How can I with thi


Answers:

Hard to tell, but there is definitely a disconnect of some kind going on here.

You both need to get into counseling, but, frankly, if I were you, I'd go without him first. A good therapist will help you learn strategies and techniques to cope with his idiosyncrasies and non-responsive behaviors. Then, once you get your bearings, ask the counselor how to involve him.

This on-off switching may be indicative of a medical problem, as well. How long has it been since he had a complete physical?

I hope you can remedy this situation for yourself soon. It doesn't seem like a very healthy environment for you. You deserve better.




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