How can I help my son with his depression?!

How can I help my son with his depression?

My son who is a young teen has said for two years that he is depressed. We encouraged him to eat better, sleep better, exercise more, see more people, see less people, but to no avail.

He's been on antidepressants for four weeks and said he feels no better. His cousin just wrote me after they spent a little time together and she said he cried that he was worthless and a burden.

He is very talented, has many friends, and is passionate about several interests. However, the past few days, he said he is in a down cycle, and he really has no interest in anything - except getting together with his friends or chatting with them.

He told me recently that my (his mom) mood swings from happy and calm to stressed and angry so quickly that I make his environment stressful and unhealthy. This kinda stunned me, because I have to cope with his father, my husband, who has been very depressed and very manipulative. Lots of times I'm happy and calm because he's not around.

4 weeks ago
Then, he comes home, spews unhappiness, and I'm tense and angry because I think he's ruining the kids' environment. Surprise, Surprise, I am.

I've focused on being much nicer to my husband the past few days, grateful for what he does and ignoring what he doesn't, and his mood's been great, so that's going well. Fact is, we've done this cycle a million times, because I perceive myself as being nice, then get angry about something he's done, then he gets angry at me, and we can barely speak.

So, I've created a toxic environment for my son while worried about a toxic environment...

Son told me that his cousin told him her mom, my sister, also has severe mood swings and is very stressful to be around. Cousin doesn't have thoughts of suicide like my son does, however.

As I say, my spouse has been depressed for decades; getting slowly better on bipolar meds. My spouse's dad and grandma were hospitalized for depression. All the women in my family have taken antidepressants.

4 weeks ago
I worry that it's too late, that he's only a few years away from college and I've blown his environment.

Our son seems to me to 'imitate' his dad's depression, even saying things husband says now, but didn't say when he was a teen - like: if life will always be like this, with no energy, no motivation, I won't go on. He has also started claiming to be sick when he's asked to help just like my husband.

He said he'd like a counselor, to see if it helps.

Since homosexuality is the number one cause of teen suicide, I asked our son if he's gay. He said no. I said, cause that could solve your depression right now, I accept you, we'll fight the world together. He said, I'm not gay and I am depressed.

What can I do about my behaviors and in general to help my son?

Have you been through something like this with your child? What's happened?

Our younger son has also expressed sadness that he feels his brother pulling away.

Help us help him or help us find hope.

4 weeks ago
Zak, et al - I realize I 'have issues." Zak you've nailed that I have a desire to be the nice one, the good one, the perfect one. I do like to pretend I have it all together, probably because less than that is utterly unacceptable to my mother and always has been.

Are those my issues? What do you mean? It's hard because I've spent so long in the paradigm that I'm a really nice person (and I am) who fell in love with a man who turned out to be severely mentally ill and with whom I made two amazing children.

I would become enraged when my husband would, for example, accidentally drop a spoon (literally) and start screaming about how much he sucked, how stupid he was, how God hated him. I would be enraged that he was so out of control he would act like that in front of our kids and teach them to be like him.

So, in having this rage, I became the one creating a hostile environment. It's hard to understand, yet I see the mess created.

I could use more insights.

Having to deal with your family problems you've built up a lot of anger. This anger, is making your family feel worse which in turn makes you feel more angry, and thus the cycle continues.

You really need to do some anger management for your own sake and your family.

A good starting point would be Cognitive Behavoural Therapy. You could speak to your doctor about taking a course or you can take a course for free online at http://www.livinglifetothefull.com/elear... (A ‘prettier’ version of this type of programme can be bought at www.thewellnessshop.co.uk). You could also try the book the Feeling Good Handbook by Dr Robert Burns which basically teaches CBT. You need to put in a bit of work and stick with it - but if you work at it things will get better pretty soon.

Alongsige this you should practise "Progressive Muscular Relaxation". You can buy a tape, or do it yourself - instructions can be found at http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resource... (no.4). Do it at least once a day (but try more).

You should also speak to your husband and son and invite them to do CBT. CBT is very effective for anger, anxiety, depression etc. If they decline, that's fine - but you should do it yourself anyway - for your own sake if no one else.