Someone please help?!
Question:
Someone please help?
Just recently, iv been getting in these moods-particuraly with my boyfriend of two years, i love him with all my heart and hes proved his love for me countless times by putting up with my little outbursts.
i get really angry and i just need t be on my own for a few minutes-if i dont get these few minutes i end up swearing and screaming at whoever im with, and i hit out, i hurt myself too, but all the while inside im begging myself to stop, telling myself i just want to cuddle him and say im sorry-but i cant stop-i end having panic attacks and until im completely drained of energy and tears i CANT stop,
someone please explain why im doing this, why i cant stop and how i can stop
Answers:
Okay, there's a lot going on here!!!
Firstly I suspect there is possibly some underlying stuff in your mind, maybe even on a subconsicous level that you are not aware of, that is bothering you (we'll come back to that later). Then you are getting some stress on top, so you need some time out and then when you don't get your time out, you react angrily, then with anxiety and panic (the anxiety and panic just confirms the first bit about the subconsicous).
Soooooo, first things first.
You need to set up a routine when you have a few regular minutes to yourself - for yourself - throughout every single day, even when you feel ok (this is important). 4 times a day, at set times, take yourself off, shut the door, sit down with your eyes closed and "just be". Don't try to think about anything. Just breath in and out for 5 mins. This will be hard, but will get easier. You might find that with some "me" time like this, your outbursts get less. I know it sounds odd, but it is worth a try.
Similarly, when you feel the anger, if you can, remove yourself and have some 'time out' as well.
Now, that is just something to do 'for now', while you get help on the rest of it. I think you may need to see someone to talk about this on a deeper level, a counsellor. Your GP may be able to refer you, or you could contact the BABCP or similar for one privately. I suspect that there is something deeper down within you, possibly hidden from your conscious thought, that is triggering all this off and a counsellor may be able to help you with this.