Do I need professional help or is it just me?!


Question:

Do I need professional help or is it just me?

I'm 21 yrs old and got married when i was 19 in '05.I got pregnant about a month after. My son is now 9mos old & I love my husband more than anything. Were from ny & just moved to atl. I have no one down here except my hubby & son. My hubby is currently not wrking & i have this huge burden on me. All i do is worry & think of unimaginable horrible things that can happen to me& my son. I have horrible credit and im in debt& live from check to check. Lately i find myslf asking what is my purpose here in life. Nothing seems to be going right.My hubby's family is Jamaican& hate me cuz im american. Everything is going wrong & i cant sleep w/out a sleep aid cuz i worry too much. At times, i dont even want to be around my son& thats not normal. I just feel like crying all the time. but i know that wont help. Sometime i close myslf in the closet and cry. My hair is falling out and i feel hopeless. I cnt talk to a therapist cuz im afraid they'll take what i say out of context. What do i do?

Additional Details

4 weeks ago
I used to love to produce music and i dont even wnt to do that anymore. I work all the time and even at work my imagination takes me away to a different place. Almost as if i am watching it like it already happened. I cant see having post-partum b/c my son is already 9mos old.Im not a danger to myself or others and im afraid a doc might think that and i know thats not the case.I call my friends and they cnt ever talk. I see all my friends are going to college and making something of themselves and i cant help but feel like a failure. Am i just severly homesick or something. I have a twin sister and my mom tells me that my twin misses me so much, she's willing to live down here to be close to me but i dont feel like that will help. No matter what i feel utterly alone.I try to talk to my hubby but he dsnt get it. I know he's worried and so am i. I dont wnt medication cuz i dnt wnt to be a zombie...HELP!!!!

4 weeks ago
my hubby couldn wrk cuz all he had was a wrk permit but now he has his green card and can wrk but he hasnt found anything yet. My hubby reall y wnts to wrk and i see the look on his face evryday. He sd if it was up to him i wouldnt wrk and i feel like this makes him less of a man. especiall y cuz he cnt help me.


Answers:

You've got a lot of things going on and they're creating high levels of anxiety within you, especially since you don't feel like you've got any real control over your life right now. This is probably the main reason why you can't seem to build up the motivation to be around your child because you associate the child with your current sense of burden. If you don't learn to take control of this anxiety, you could become consumed by it and it could then become a much bigger problem.

1) Stop caring about what your husband's family thinks of you. I know it's important to be accepted by family, new and old, but you've also got to learn to be able to live without that acceptance. That's their issue to deal with and hopefully grow out of, not yours.

2) Understand that life is about living and that you've got to live it strong to make it count.

3) You're young --- remember that even if your credit is bad, you can rebuild it with time and effort. Just be patient and strong. Seek extra training or education to get a better paying job. Depending on what's going on in your life, this could be difficult, but if you want it bad enough it is more than possible. Training to become a dental assistant, for example, only takes 8-9 months and it really pays off. There are other options, too, many of which only require a 2-3 month training period. Look around your area and find out what's available.

4) You've got a lot of stress and you've got to find an outlet for all of that stress. Find something to do that'll help calm you down and which will also give you a sense of control over yourself, some kind of healthy hobby that you can take up.

5) Don't be afraid to speak with a therapist. They're very non-judgmental and are there to help. If it makes you feel better, seek an older one with a lot of experience because I guarantee you that they've seen and heard it all and your case won't even make them blink. In any case, you do need someone to talk to. Find someone.

Honestly, you should be able to speak to your husband about all of this and the two of you should be supporting each other. And don't make the mistake of blaming him for all of your problems, especially if he's doing what he can. If you do, this is a sign of your own immaturity and you're only going to make your situation worse with misplaced resentment. A man is not any less of a man if he's doing what he can at the moment --- support him, and let him support you. This is what real marriage is, most especially during the hard times.

Just be your own person and live each day one step at a time. Bond with your child and try not to associate your child with the stress that you've got in your life right now. You married very young and got thrown into a harsh reality, so you may feel that this is easier said than done --- but know that regardless of how easy or hard it is, it's still very much possible, but that's largely up to you. This is all a part of maturing and growing into yourself.

EDIT: STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO EVERYONE ELSE'S. PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN LIFE AND DO WHAT YOU CAN TO IMPROVE IT --- OTHERWISE, YOU'RE JUST FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND YOU'RE ONLY LOOKING FOR EASY WAYS OUT, ALL OF WHICH WILL NO DOUBT BE VERY HARMFUL TO YOU AND YOUR FAMILY. IF YOU DON'T WANT YOUR LIFE TO BLOW UP RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU, THEN YOU NEED TO SEEK A SENSE OF CONTROL AND RESPONSIBILITY FOR IT. IF YOU CAN'T DO THIS ON YOUR OWN, THEN YOU NEED TO SEEK THERAPY BECAUSE THIS IS WHAT THERAPY IS FOR.




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