FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY OS TRIP - I want to Cancel!! What do I do!?!

FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY OS TRIP - I want to Cancel!! What do I do!?

Hi Guys,
I have a trip to Canada booked for 3wks time. I suffer from panic attacks which are crazily debilitating. Lately, day in, day out, I am freaking out about the trip and don't think I am ready to go. I am going by myself and staying with friends for 3weeks( i have only known them for a few months and we've had a few fights). My original decision to go was based on a guy that I had a crush on over there, but not sure anymore.
Everyone is so keen for me to go saying how it will really improve me as a person. But I just know myself, and I know that until the departure date, I will be living in a mental hell just dreading each day, not wanting to go. I lie awake at night thinking of ways I can cancel the trip and still save face (ie. break my leg or get sick). Can anyone out there please please help me and tell me what to do? I don't think I'm ready to do this on my own, and I need HELP!! Please help! I don't want to go but I dont want to look like a failure/wimp either :( HELP!

4 weeks ago
Thank you to those who have responded so far - I am already taking Xanax to try and alleviate some of the 'freaking out'. I used to suffer homesickness when I was a kid, which may have contributed to the problem. My fears of going are - that I'll get checked in and be ready to say goodbye to family and just cannot do it, that ill get on the plane and freak out and not want to go and try and get off, or that i'll get across the other side of the world and want to come home.

When I have an attack (i gravitate between constant fear of something, and a total major freak out) I become totally irrational and just do whatever it takes to get me out of it (ie. get there, freak out, and fly straight home again).

Well, you can just cancel of course but if you do, you will feel a failure so....just decide its not an option and you are going.
It is a trip that will be for a maximum of 21 days, I say maximum because you can always come home....
Pre empt those things you know are going to freak you out like saying goodbye at the airport to your family, well don't let them take you. Get one of your pals to drop you off.
Don't worry about the guy you had the crush on, you will like him when you see him again but its not the end of the world if you don't is it....you will only be away a maximum of 21 days....
Regarding being on your own, you are never on your own and only ever a phone call away from people. I say all of this to you as someone who has travelled extensively on my own.
Canada is a beautiful country, you will love it. The people are wonderful. You are going to be with friends, you speak the same language Etc... and the fact that you have had a few disagreements is a good thing. It means exactly that, you can disagree and get over it !! You will be fine and you will be fine from the moment your bags are handed in and you have your boarding card. As you walk onto the plane you will feel a wonderful glow come over you because you will realise that you are in control and can handle anything in life. Go and have a ball....