Can you love someone but the baggage they have be too much for it to ever work?!
Question:
Can you love someone but the baggage they have be too much for it to ever work?
I am torn as to what to do about my ex. I love her dearly and there is a chance we can be together. She ended things 4 mths ago after 9 mths together, but at a time when she was depressed. She is better now and we are back in touch.
I just worry that all the baggage she has will always make things difficult:
1) She has a history of depression since a teenager, she is now 28
2) She had anorexia/bullimia as a teenager & self harmed but none of those things since
3) She has chronic fatigue syndrome (cfs) which makes her ultra tired/ill a lot
4) She has low self esteem. She often felt that because of the cfs she held me back. I never thought that and told her this.
5) She had a relationship with a woman for 18 mths approximately 4 years ago. Whilst this wouldn't be a problem for me she says she is not bisexual but that it was a difficult period in her life & friendship became blurred.
I knew about all this stuff at the start & took her for who she was but is it too much?!?
4 weeks ago
I know that if you love someone, and I do really love her, that what is in the past stays there, but this is a lot, and I wonder if my life will always be affected by who she is and the problems she has??
To her credit, she told me about this stuff on our 3rd date, so she was very honest and trusted me from the start, which cannot have been easy.
Answers:
I know a woman who has all these problems except instead of a lesbian relationship, she's alcoholic. She's very difficult to live with, even though she's sober now and stopped the bulimia in her thirties. She's married to a MFCC who must practice his training with her every day. But she's smart, pretty, and funny, and that's enough for her husband.
She also has two daughters in their twenties, who are prone to depression and aren't great athletes, but are wonderful girls, far better than average I'd say.
You mention the baggage, but you don't describe the strengths to your relationship beyond her honesty. Can you both communicate? Is there chemistry? I think your decision depends on such strengths. If you have them, I've seen a marriage like this work well enough. If you don't, this could be torture.