Doe anyone have this problem?!


Question:

Doe anyone have this problem?

I get so tied up in depression that it really get's to me and I become mad at myself and shut-down..and don't talk to my friends or anybody else...and I start cutting and I have done it more than often over the weekend which I have had to myself..I also start thinking of Suicide and how I would not like to be in this world...I am currently a student at Job-Corps and I have not found a answer to my problems...could sombody help me and not subject this as a label for attention because this is serious and I don't fell confortable telling anyone this..even though I do talk to a counsler but I don't fell like he can help me like I want help...all he did was stick me on some pills but they don't seem to help all the time........

Sunday,9:36pm June 17/2007


Answers:

I understand your problems with getting tied up in depression. I get depressed every winter, which means that there's the potential to be depressed nearly a full half of every year (living in a northern region as I do with long winters and too little sun.) This last winter, however, things were really bad and I actually came close to being suicidal--a big first for me. At the time, I hated my life, I wished that I could just escape from it all and get out from under the suffocating pain that just didn't seem to want to go away. Even with antidepressants, I still had major issues. I had a lot of horrible situations being thrown at me during that time and a lot of emotional adjusting to do, so adding that on top of the expected depression catapulted me into a whole new realm of ouch.

Looking back now, I can see that I slid very, very precariously close to the edge. I have a lot of sympathy for those who have ever been so depressed that they felt suicide might just be the only true out they can get. What I want you to do is find a friend to hang out with for a while sometime before Friday (if possible.) Be up front and say that you've been having a rough period and want to get a chance to be with friends. You don't have to talk with them about all your troubles, but at least getting contact with others in a positive way will help.

Try to find a second friend to spend time with this next week after you get things planned with the first. Do the same for next week. Baby steps are key. I have never felt so drained of energy as I when I'm depressed, so I understand I can't tell you to run a marathon but once you get going, try not to stop. Even if progress is slow, progress is still progress.

Try doing something to get your thoughts out, whether it's through writing, drawing, or whatever. And as you get the thoughts out, let them go. Getting them out isn't meant to help you dwell on the pain and better drown in misery. Something that has always helped me is to start writing what's on my mind (well, typing technically.) I just let thoughts stream without reviewing what I've typed as I go along. When I'm at the end of what feels like a swell of emotion, I skim through what I've written.

Do I sound better or worse at the end? How did I get to that better or worse state? Did I fluctuate up and down during the writing? I go through what I've written and after I'm done examining it, I delete it. No backup copy or anything. It's just gone, gone with the digital wind. And it feels a little better after that.

Try to do your best not to wallow in your pain. I had my fun getting lost in My Chemical Romance and other such music, but in the end, just sitting there drawing on the pain without letting it go made it hurt more than it did before. I'm not saying don't listen to MCR or any similar artist or group, but just do so with caution. Don't get caught in the trap of playing head games with yourself. If you feel better, don't go digging up pain just for the sake of staring it in the face. If you must dig up pain, do it in a productive way that will keep harm to a minimum.

As for your counselor, try to give him another chance. If you still feel like you can't get anything from him, tell him so and see if the two of you can't discuss what would be the best plan of action. Perhaps he will be better able to help you if you tell him of your doubts and describe what you want in terms of help. Also, try looking into switching to a different kind of medication if the one you're on currently can't give you all the help you need. PLEASE don't go without a counselor and take your medication only as the doctor has told you to, even if it doesn't seem to be working!

Remember, you can get through this. It doesn't matter how bad it feels or how dark it gets, there is always hope. Feel free to message me if you want to talk, but don't feel obligated to. I wish you the best of luck during this time. You have my prayers.




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