How can social anxiety affect close relationships?!

How can social anxiety affect close relationships?

I think my boy may have social anxiety. He started his own company to avoid working with people, and then gets all jumpy in our relationship, ends it and now wants to come back... Oh its too long to explain. Look up his question if you will, why cant I be with my girl.

4 weeks ago
This is his posting...

StatesideNow
0 Why cant I be with my girl?
I love my girlfriend, she is PERFECT!!!. She never fights with me, dumps on me, says anything mean, or lusts over other guys. I just have this pulling feeling that this is not right. I dumped her after almost 7 months. I don't know why. I want to be with her but when I am, I just feel like I have to get out. She is the only one I have ever brought home, loved and been loved back, thought about a life with. I only want to be with her, nobody else, but when I am, I pannic!!! Help me or I will loose her forever. She said he would wait and see if I got better but I dont know how long she will really wait! We have been broken up for almost two months now and she has started dating again. Do I have some sort of clinical anxiety? Are there any other people like this?

Yep, sounds like he has a problem with anxiety. It's actually remarkably common - it is often associated with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, although your boyfriend might not actually have this. You sound as though you're being very supportive and are trying to help him through it, but I understand it's difficult to wait for him to sort his head out. I had the same problem as your boyfriend - I loved my boyfriend, but would stress out and panic and feel like I had no choice but to leave him. So I did. I left him for 6-7 months, during which time he started seeing another girl. Seeing him with another girl helped me see things clearly. Suddenly my anxiety stopped and I was able to really see that I wanted to be with my boyfriend, that I loved him. So we got back together. Over a year on, we're still together and I'm coping with my anxiety.

Your boyfriend should contact a councellor or therapist. Cognitive behavioural therapy could help him - he's nailed the hardest part because he's acknowledged that he loves you and that you're important to him, but that he feels he has a problem with being in a relationship. A councellor will help him work through what is causing this anxiety. If he can't afford a therapist or the waiting lists are long, then a GP might prescribe something to help him along. I was put on beta blockers to stop the panic attacks and then later on I was put on Prozac. That seemed to help take the edge of, I was able to get myself back on track, and slowly see more of my boyfriend (as friends!). I'm off medication now, so if your boyfriend is put on it, it may not have to be a permanent thing - but with Prozac you have to make sure you come off it gradually otherwise you get withdrawal. But I'm sure his GP will inform of all this!

One important thing to realise is that it is not your fault. The only thing you can do is be there when he needs you without crowding him or putting pressure on him. It's a big thing to ask of you, but if you love your boyfriend, I'm sure you'll want to help him through this challenging phase in his life.