How long does it take to recover from discovering a loved one has passed away in!

How long does it take to recover from discovering a loved one has passed away in your home?

Two years ago my children and I came home and discovered that my Mom had experienced a heart attack. We called 911 and tried everything to resuscitate her, but she was gone. I'm still haunted by this event every time it comes into my mind. My children have recovered, but I think I must feel guilty for having left her at home while we went out to the store, the library and swimming. I know that is ridiculous, she was fine when we left and I heard her tell a friend over the phone that she felt "better today than I have in ages." It also hurts that we argued before I left, a result of my impatience and her implacability. As I write this I would give so much to be able to tell her good-bye, and that I love her. And yet, as a Christian, I truly believe that she already knows these things and that I will see her again. Just wish I could stop crying. And yes, I know the signs of depression, and I am in therapy.

4 weeks ago
I would like to add that we moved out of our home within 6 months. Distance doesn't change the heart, or the response to trauma.
I moved to give my kids a better education, not to escape from my house.
And yes, many times I have felt that Mom has been with, and in several ways has inexplicably "guided" me to something that I was searching for that was missing.
I rely on God to help me in these things, and I trust in Him that Mom is in a wonderful place with all our loved ones.
The selfishness of grief is questionable. Would it be better to leave this world and have no one grieve your passing? Grief is necessary, I know, and the only way to get over it is to go through it.

I don't think there is any time table on recovering from something like that. You are standing in your own way from forgiving yourself.

Let me ask you this, if something happened to you while your children were at home, would you blame them, would you recall every argument you had with them? Your love for your children is unconditional, it does not matter if the child is 50 or 5, Mom loved you just the same as you love your own children.

As a Christian, you know that Mom was called to be in paradise. For us, it's grief, for her it's utopia! I have to remind myself when I grieve for loved ones it's my selfishness for wanting them here, I should not feel "sad" for them

You taking care of Mom in your own home let her know already how much you loved her. I bet her dying thoughts weren't the arguments.