HELP!!! What can i do to sort my brother out?!

HELP!!! What can i do to sort my brother out?

My brother is 14 years old and will be 15 next month. He was always a daddys boy even when his dad and my mum divorced. He kept seeing his dad for years and idolised him. This was until about a year ago when his dad decided that he didnt want anything to do with my brother anymore because he has a new family with another woman. I think this has really messed up my brothers head, it must have devastated him. He is terrible to live with. Now that he doesnt see his dad he has become a complete mummys boy. He even sleeps in my mums bedroom to be close to her. Its really unhealthy and worryingly sick. He wont let me or my sister be close to our mum, and gets jealous of any attention she gives anyone else. He is constantly trying to cause arguments between me and my mother so that we will argue. He is violent, abusive and i cant live with him anymore. He's overweight, drastically and wont stop eating, sucks his thumb and takes a security blanket with him around the house. Help!!

4 weeks ago
We have tried everything!! He has dislexia and dispracia. Im at the end of my tether and my mum is too. Hes has counselling but it hasnt done anything!!! Please someone tell me what i can do xx-xx-xx-xx

4 weeks ago
Just wanted to add that he is my half brother. Me and my sister have the same dad. But he has a different dad. I have never treated him like my half brother but he has some kind of problem with me. Doesnt like my relationship with my mum. xxx

4 weeks ago
I just wanna say thankyou all sooo much for your answers. It really helps to hear that im not the only one whos gone through this situation too. Its extremely hard sometimes as my sister has autism aswell. Thankyou very much everyone gave good answers!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Your brother would have a hard enough time with a life that was idyllic in every other way except the neurological problems that he has, but your parents' divorce--not uncommon when a child has a disability, by the way--and your father's irresponsible behavior would challenge any young boy.

Boys identify with their fathers, see themselves as being connected in a way that can't be explained or wished away. I guess you know that already.

As far as the counselor goes, I wonder who is giving the counselor information. My sons saw a counselor, as did my husband because of chronic depression. Once when I went to see a psychiatrist my husband had been seeing for four years, I was astounded to hear the version of our home life that the man had been led to believe was true. My husband hadn't told the man ANYTHING, not about his past therapies, not about how long he'd been struggling with depression, not about the mess it had made of our home life and our children's lives.

If your brother is doing the only reporting to the counselor, which is not unusual for a boy his age, the counselor needs to hear about what is going on with his patient. Your mother has every right to be informed about how the therapy is going, what the goals are, and to have some way to communicate with the therapist on an ongoing basis.
Maybe the therapist can have a session with your father to explain to him that his son did not cease to be his responsibility when he fathered other children or when he left your home. Your father and mother might need help communicating with each other about this and the counselor would be a good choice.

That isn't to say that your father will see the light about this--he may be overwhelmed by the situation you are all in or (I'm sorry to say this), he may just be too self-absorbed to be able to hear anything from your family. In that case, it's up to your mother and to you to try without his help. This will be terribly difficult, but trying to create a more peaceful atmosphere will do each of you a lot of good.

How to do this? The best way I know is to gather all of your strength and spend some nice time with your brother, doing something that he likes to do, being positive with him no matter how many things he does to try to drive you crazy. Let him know that you and your mom love him, no matter how sad he is and that your family has love and some strengths that didn't end when your parents marriage did.

This doesn't mean that you have to spend every minute on this. On the contrary, it's really important for you and your mom to get time away from these problems so that you can keep yourselves healthy in body and spirit. She needs time to herself, you need time to yourself, your sister needs time and you all need time to enjoy the mother-daughter relationship that can be strong enough to support each of you.

I wish I could encourage you to say "I love you" to your mom, who needs to have some kindness and affection sent her way. Say it often and hug her, too. She has to be so strong!

Tell your sister it. Tell her that you love her even when the two of you argue. You love her no matter what because she is your sister.
(Hey! tell your mother some of that, too.)

Tell your brother you love him too, poor guy. Keep yourself safe in body and mind, and also remember that for your brother, he is going through rejection from his dad, hell for a boy his age.

I'll pray for you all. I don't often pray, but every day I'll pray for you.

Be strong and good luck.