I have often wondered why i have never comfortable around my parents.?!

I have often wondered why i have never comfortable around my parents.?

Then I realized they have invalidated me since day one. Every time I get around them I start hating and doubting myself. I am a college student and they help me out with financilly but at times they make me feel guilty for that. I want to break free from them completely as soon as possible. However my self doubt has gotten so bad that it paralyzes me and sometimes I want to kill myself. What can I do Im so afraid all the time now?

My parents have been divorced since I was a child and my mother has almost always been supportive, loving and kind to me.

My father has always been cold, and emotionally and verbally abusive to me. After nearly forty years of me trying to get past his sh*t, to get along with him for the sake of the rest of my family, I finally broke off all communication with him last year after I had a short stay in a mental facility.

Sometimes you have to make tough decisions for the sake of your own sanity.

You mention wanting to kill yourself and paralyzing self-doubt. I think you should see a therapist or psychologist for talk therapy to help you talk out your feelings. Sometimes we don't really know what's hiding up there in our brains until we get the chance to say it out loud to an impartial person.

Good luck to you.