Please Help I Need Advice no mean answers please?!

Please Help I Need Advice no mean answers please?

well yesturday i wuz really really mad at my mom [[im 14]] and i dont like crying idk why itz jus not sumthing i do often ne wayz i wuznt only mad at hur itz jus all these thingz hav been going on ane ne wayz i cut myself and i did it again 2 day idk why but it jus makes me not want 2 cry about thingz but ne wayz ive seen a phsyciatrist before wen i wuz like 12 or sumthing cuz i wuz stressed out and also ive seem 2 find out that i dont believe in god ne more i think itz nuthing but bs iddk why i jus think itz all fake and i feel like ive fallen and im reaching out 4 help and every1 iz jus there laughing at me.and also this iznt a cry 4 attention i hate attention i dont like people being in my buisness and i stay in my room all day cuz i dont really talk 2 my family only friendz and if im not home and sum1 iz in my room i get mad like i had went 2 corpus and my mom came in my room 2 get my dirty cloths and i got mad at hur cuz she didnt ask 2 go in my room why am i being like this???

4 weeks ago
basicly i bottle up my feelings

you sound a lot like me when i was 14. i know you hate crying but it sounds like thats what you need. seems to me that you see crying as a weakness. i use to think the same thing. i hated to cry. so instead of crying i got mad. would yell scream cut myself throw stuff curse and hurt people and break stuff. what we do when we are like this is we mask anger because we are in pain. so when we cut we take that emotional pain into physical pain. its like a distraction. i dont cut anymore i havent for awhile. you sound to me your in a lot of pain for what reason i am not sure only you can answer that. this is what i did to get over it. i wrote a lot. it was an escape for me. every time i felt angry sad hurt scared. i wrote about it. i remember i use to write suicide notes. to tell everyone what i wanted to say. and i mean they would 5 pages long sometimes longer. and i would let it all out. then i would burn the letter or shred it or something. because i felt better. i wrote poetry and stories. i use to get made fun at school. bullied kids threw full soda cans at my head push me down the stairs and then when i got home from school. i would be yelled at by my parents saying i was nothing be hit in the face thrown up the stairs be thrown down the hall way. there was never a way out. i wasnt safe at home i wasnt safe at school. i was safe no where. so i would act like this. until i discovered writing. i dont write as much anymore as i use to because i have left my parents house and dont have to deal with them. but i am still angry and mask my anger when i am in pain. but i find away to talk about it instead of acting out on it. finally one day i just starting crying and i mean i cried for hours. and it felt so good and it was such a release. all of that hurt and pain when i was a child was let out. since then i am a much happier person today. i smile more. and i realized i dont have to deal with anyones nonsense anymore. and i dont. i hope this helps you dear and if you wish to talk to me then send me an email anytime. my email is amative_unity@yahoo.com. take care dear.