Have you ever attempted Suicide?!

Have you ever attempted Suicide?

What happend afterward? Do you feel better now? If so how?

No, but i have seriously considered it. I don't feel much better now, i always think to myself what if i had continued? When i considered it, i was really emotional. I've never really had the best childhood and then one day when i was 17 i was eating and i choked on a bit of food. I couldn't breathe and i had to reach down into my throat and pull it out. I then went into the kitchen to get some water and told my parents, who laughed when i said i had to pull it out of my windpipe. And then my mother called me an 'ungrateful and horrible little girl' because i didn't want to finish the food, because strangely enough, i felt kinda sick. From that moment on i've always felt so alone in this world and it created a huge rift between me and my parents, one that i have successfully hidden from the outside world, but will never be able to close. They said that they loved me but when i almost died they sniggered. So, i basically ran to my room and cried for an hour. When they had gone out, i wrote a suicide letter (if you will) and basically poured my heart out.

Then, i went to the kitchen and pulled out the first packet of pills i could find and got a glass of water. But i didn't take them. I don't know why, either i didn't have the will power, or i thought that i was stronger than this.

The thing with suicide, is that everyone says it is selfish and cowardly, but it isn't. People who say that, have only had to deal with or seen the after-effects of the action, but have never been in the position of knowing why it happened. Suicide is serious, but it is also a solution. Sometimes people just don't want to exist anymore, you could argue that that person has a great future to look forward to, but we don't know that. Emotional scars last a lot longer than physical ones.

A person can pretend they have moved on, but the pain that caused then to think of or attempt suicide will always be with them.

It helps to talk, which i know is easier said than done. Most people don't want to let others know about their pain, especially people that they know. One of the hardest things to do is to let your guard down when you've spent so many years building it up. This is why, if you are like me, i would suggest for you to keep a diary. If you pour your feelings and emotions into that every once in a while, believe me it helps, it doesn't solve anything, i don't believe anything really will, but you will feel calmer, more relaxed.

Most people will never know that you have or thought about trying to do something, for instance, you are the first i am letting know. What you have to remember though, is that you can push the feelings under the surface and act as if they don't exist. But when the tiniest of tiny little things happens, believe me it will push you a lot further.

So do something about it. Write a diary, talk on an anonymous chatline, if you can, talk to someone you know. Whatever it is, remember your actions aren't selfish, or cowardice, but merely an end to the pain. Don't feel embarrassed that you hurt so much and don't keep it bottled up. Don't listen to what people say about how pathetic you are or were, they don't know anything about you, they can't judge you because they think they're better than you. Be yourself and don't hate yourself for it. Be who you want to be, and that is more than anyone can ever ask.