Am I bi polar?!


Question:

Am I bi polar?

I am 14 years old. I am severely depressed, I always have been. Ive been (Or am) almost everywhere to deal with it. Drinking wont help, Pot is too expensive to use on a regular basis. When my friends give it to me every so often it helps but I cant afford it and its a short time. I smoke, but that doesnt help it just kinda slows down my problems. If I think about something bad (Which i do a lot Im very pessimistic) when I smoke it stops me thninking from it till Im done.

The doctor, when I had an ear infection, had me take off my shirt to hear my heartbeat, and they saw the scars on my arms from cutting myself.They said theyd take me to a shrink (After getting pissed and yelling) but never did.

I dont want to tell them I wanna see a shrink I am too embarassed and afraid frankly. But I just want meds or something. I have been inches from suicide etc.

I researched bi polar but I dont know if I am.

Additional Details

1 month ago
I get depressed all of a sudden for no reason.

Ill be looking forward to something a long time, then not enjoy it when it happens.

Sometimes I need sleep but more recently (The past month) I dont *need* it I just sleep huge amounts of time (Till 2 in the afternoon, asleep at 3 or 4 in morning.)

This is the stuff that bothers ne that is bi polar related.

Am I bi polar or just depressed?

Also I think I am mildly schizophrenic Im not sure. I hera my name for no reason, im constantly Looking over my shoulder, if someone walks up to me I think they are pissed and flinch if they get close.

Im not sure about the schizo stuff, but I just have a **** load of mental problems.

Any tips on dealing with it without parental help? Ive tried a hobby (painting models) that I dont enjoy any more, I volunteer at a vet clinic (The death makes me depressed, and the fact that I now think itll be too hard to get a job as a vet.)

My home life isnt too bad but it does kinda... Suck.

Thanks!

1 month ago
I dont have a school counselor or anything at my school. Im switching so next year I will but Ill have to wait through summer. And the teen hotllines are for suicide. Ive been suicidal for a good year and a half, passively, like its always a factor, so i dont want to waste their time form the people with more pressing matters.

1 month ago
These highs people are talking about... I am not sure what they quite are. I am not sure if I have them I dont know to much about bipolar.

Only similar thing I have ever experienced is massive hyper-ness. Rattling on and on to my friends (Causing a few friendships to cease.)

Also I rarely have too much control over my actions, I just do stuff. Then realize what I did later. Rarely do I make a conscious decision for anything. This causes a lot of problems.


Answers:

You don't sound bipolar as you have not mentioned any highs.. you certainly need to get some help. Booze and Pot actually make things worse - Pot actually affects the brain in anyone younger than their mid 20's as your brain is still developing and Booze is actually a depressant so it makes you worse.

I'd go see your doctor again - it took me ages to ask for help and it meant I suffered more than I should have. It ain't easy but the biggest step is to ask for help - and then accept it.




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