Feeling lost at 27.....?!


Question:

Feeling lost at 27.....?

hey everyone on yahoo

i'm writing an open letter to everyone - wondering what they love about their lives.

i've been feeling incredibly lost and more confused about my life. all the people and things i used to have in my life seem to have disappeared. i'm trying to get away from being depressed and find something to work towards so i can stay away from those feelings of insecurity.

i've never dated but went through heartbreaks. i'm actually still a virgin and this doesn't help my confidence at all. i've never really succeeded professionally and wonder if i'm really going to make my mark in the world. i'm still hopeful but it seems as i get older, my optimism is dwindling.

is there anyone out there in their twenties and thirties in this situation? i'd welcome any kind words or advice from someone who could help light my way.... please let me know what you cherish about your life and how you cope with the rougher times in life


Answers:

It sounds like you are feeling lost, because the people and things you used to have, have disappeared. That makes sense, and is a normal, healthy feeling in a situation like that.

Maybe some perspective would help. I've had a lot of the same feelings, and have given a lot of thought to the very same question, and I realized something.

I've realized my life changes drastically about every 5 years. If I were to think back to where I was 5 years ago, many of the people have either moved, disappeared, or died - but at the same time, they have been replaced by people I didn't know, or who didn't even exist, 5 years ago. Old people were replaced by new people. And if I think 5 years before that, the same thing happened. And again, 5 years before that. Just three jumps back, and it was almost an entirely different crowd surrounding me.

It's also true of jobs I've worked, homes, cities, and even states I've lived in. I'll bet if you think back 5 years at a time, you will find that to be true of your life too!

It's the nature of life. The old is constantly replaced by the new. Try to let go of the past, and celebrate the changes. Cherish the people you have now, and enjoy your life right now.

In five years a lot of the life you have now WILL be gone - but it will be replaced by a NEW life - and you can make that life better, and better, and better - one choice at a time!

Now - as far a sex goes:

While I was a virgin, I felt like sex was something HUGE, and almost unattainable. I felt like there were things wrong with me, some things that I wasn't even sure what exactly they were - but that everyone else could see. I felt unwanted, and I was afraid to talk to the opposite sex. ESPECIALLY if it was somebody really beautiful - then it was IMPOSSIBLE to speak to them. The more I wanted to be with that person, the harder it was to even try.

I put sex and romantic relationships way up on a pedestal, higher than I could possibly reach.

That was back then. Now I've been in some long term relationships, and have had lots of sex, and I learned something important:

Pretty much everyone else feels that way too. We are all in the same boat. And after you have had sex for awhile, you are going to realize that getting laid is REALLY about as difficult to obtain as a sandwich. It's not hard. It's just hard because we have totally psyched ourselves out and convinced ourselves that it's hard. But it's really about as easy as going to the fridge and making a sandwich.

Here's how you do it:

STEP 1: Make some friends. Make friends, without any other goals in mind. The point is not to have sex, or even to get a boyfriend/girlfriend. The point is to put together a network of people who you like, and who like you. Spend time with them, and get comfortable with them. Take as much time as you like doing this. Make it a habit. Make it a part of your life.

STEP 2: After a time, you will start to grow closer to some of those friends. Some will drift away. Keep making friends, keep building your network.

STEP 3: Eventually you will grow so close to a few of your friends that sex will just come naturally - just like having a sandwich together will come naturally. It won't be a big deal - it will just be something the two of your do together to have fun / relieve hornieness / show love. It will just become something else to do.

The best part of doing it this way? Your romantic relationships with have a strong base of friendship, and will therefore be strong, long term, and a lot more fun.

The WRONG way of doing it? Date strangers. You will feel awkward and artificial when you try to make moves (or have moves made on you) and the relationship will almost always fall apart, sooner than later.

I don't know WHY people date strangers and try to quickly form romances with them. That's such a stupid way to find love. It's bass-ackwards.

Finally - in regards to professional success:

Do what you love. Do the things you enjoy. Get REALLY REALLY good at them. When you get good at them, you will make a lot of money, cause you will be the best, and you can charge a lot for your services. And since you are doing something you love, you will love your life.

THAT is the definition of success. And stop worrying about how old your are - it's all going to change in about 5 years anyway. Just make sure the changes are for the better!

Good luck, and have fun with your life!




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