Am I doomed?!

Am I doomed?

I am sixteen, male, ugly, stupid-looking and dull.
I think the weirdest, most blasphemous, most perverted, most horrible, but unintentional thoughts. I can't even begin to give you an example. The least little thing affects me in a negative way - it affects my deranged thinking pattern. But the thing is, it has started to affect my behaviour. I started to go manic last Saturday and say what my thoughts were in public - in front of my step-family. Their scoffing and provokative behaviour maddened me so much I smashed a glass and cried, because my thoughts were taking over. And don't tell me to see a doctor, for I have a psychiatrist and have been in hospital 3 times in my life and it did nothing to help. To this end I come across as socially and mentally/academically gauche and retarded. I long for a girlfriend but feel I have no right to have one as I am too perverted in the head. Not just sexually perverted, either. Just generally perverted. And I have given up on life in general as

1 month ago
...as I cannot function well enough. I once overheard my family speaking at night, saying that I am a hopeless case and who finds the simplest things difficult. I have been diagnosed with a 'stress-sensitive psychosis' by my psychiatrist and I am also aware that people laugh at me when I pass them on the street. Should I just give up? IMO, it's safer that way, as the less I experience and see, the less unwell I'll be in the long run. Even just looking at Yahoo users' face portraits affects me.

1 month ago
I am on Aripiprazole, Fluoxetine and Amilsulpride - an anti-psychotic, an anti-depressant, and an anti-psychotic, respectively. And it CANNOT just be part of 'growing up' you condescending a**, or else it would have happened only in puberty when it began. This has been the way it has been since the age of five, when I first learned to think.

4 weeks ago
The only reason I come out with these so-called mature words is because I am, as I said, not of this world. I picked up the word ''gauche'' and other words from a dictionary as I was reading it as I was bored one day. Plus the fact that the voices in my head come out with ''esoteric'' language that I pick up on. See, the voices are telling me to write these sentences, not ''me''. Besides, some folk cannot help having an advanced vocabulary, despite hardly ever being at school. Some people can't help but pick up on words they hear, like the lyrics to music, movie script, intellectual conversations, and just carefully peicing them words together,...

never been there - but yoo are too smart for your body - all things are assesed - very sensitive on the details - great mind and analysis but you could take it all ---- try diverting to another thing that you may love - like sports/internet gaming/games ---- let is pass be worried when you reach 25 --- at that time you could take it all - -- and neglect it