When i think about the few weeks, days and hours before my sister committed suic!

When i think about the few weeks, days and hours before my sister committed suicide, i just cry when i realize

how pain she must of been it, she always sounded so sad when she called, but she never said why and I never asked, she wanted me to visit her, but work was in the way, my stupid job, i don't make that much, i should of just left and went up there to be with her, to give her emotional support, she might still be here, i don't know why she did not seek help, and i don't know why i did not offer help when i could hear in her voice that she was sad, i cry when i think about how much pain and suffering she must of been going thru to end her own life, i cry to think that i was not able to help her when she needed me most, i cry when i realize that i will never see her again, it is hard to go on with normal activities, i feel like a piece of my heart has been gone, i could of done something, but i did not and now my sister is gone

Hello. I have been reading through your experience, looking back over the questions and comments that have been posted and first of all I am very, very sorry for your loss. I am so sorry your family is going through this but you must lean upon each other and indeed remember the good times. I come from a family where suicidal thoughts/attempts run in the family.

I want you to know that depression can and does run in families and you need to be aware of that so you and your family can take care of yourselves. I have already warned my own kids about my family history so they will seek help when they may start to spiral downward sometime in their own lives. For so many they themselves may not know why they feel sad. That is usually a sign of a chemical situation in the brain that one is just born with and will have to deal with the same as if they were born with some other imperfection. Trust me, I know of what I speak. I have been through depression several times during times when everything is going just fine in my life and it just doesn't make sense. It is due to a chemical imbalance that runs in my family and it goes back for several generations. Depression is very much treatable but you have to want to get the help. I hope you will make that decision for yourself.

There are probably so many different emotions you are going through and will go through in the weeks, months ahead. Sometimes you may feel anger and then feel guilt for being angry. Sometimes you will want to blame somebody or God. All of this is because you want to somehow make some kind of sense out of it all. That is all normal. It is also normal to seek counseling which will include grief counseling. Try not to blame yourself. I know it is easy to try to think in those terms as you replay all the conversations and moments leading up to the loss. You need to know that there is absolutely no guarrantee that you could have done anything to prevent this as much as we all like to think we could do such. Remember, you were in contact with her and that meant a lot to her. You were there for her more than you give yourself credit for.

Whatever you do, don't stop talking about it. Please understand that those around you, people at work, your friends and such will being trying to comfort you and may say some things that will seem like they are callous or un-caring. Things like "You need to move on with your life." or "God must have needed her." Please know they are just trying to struggle for the right words to help. Being part of a grief support group will be very helpful for you. It was for me.

You are in my thoughts and prayers this early Saturday morning down here in Central Texas and I will be thinking of you all day. Please take care of yourself.