I dont talk to anyone in my life directly for fear of being messed with.?!

I dont talk to anyone in my life directly for fear of being messed with.?

The only person I talk to honestly about myself is my therapist. I have all these walls. I only let people see bits and pieces of me. Its when I realize this that I really am alone. I want to talk to someone but I dont want to rely so heavily on my therapist. Im just broken. I want so much to open up to my therapist and trust her but I feel like she will screw me over in some way. I know she would not want to but it just feels like it. I want to talk to her and sometimes i pick up the phone to call her then i hit the end button. How do i get over this? Is there a point where you are relying too much on your therapist? She is all I have right now sadly enough. Because I cant open up to my friends Ive been betrayed too many times.

I so feel for you and know where you are coming from. I went through alot of this for years myself and ended up marrying late in life because I let my fears control me far too long.

I also had alot of issues with my family and slowly withdrew from them a little at a time. I felt so betrayed by my grandmother and the way she treated me after being with her and helping her for 35 plus years (when no one else would come around) that I barely went around her the last 3 years she lived. I was so burnt out that I just couldn't deal with any of their criticism and negativity anymore.

One thing that helped me a few years ago was I sat down and started writing dow things that had happened to me by different people. I went back and added and edited things a great deal as other things came to me and I cried a ton of years through all that.

I was hurt by all the events but you know what hurt me the most? That I had lost so many years of happiness with someone because I was too afraid to let anyone in.

I'm not suggesting you go out and become friends with everyone but you do need to start somewhere and start making friends that you can do things with. In time you may feel comfortable enough to confide in someone but if you don't, don't. At least it gets you out and around others which you need ~ you need to have a good time.

The thing that got me through all those years were my friends at church and my belief in God ~ without that foundation I'm not sure I would be here today. I didn't even open up to my best friend at church for over 30 years. Then when I started writing down my story and all my pain poured out and I cried the river of tears, I finally confided to her and a couple of other people.

And soon after that I found a single's site connected with the church where I am a member and in no time, I had made alot of other "friends" of like belief. I learned so much through them and I met my husband in less than a month. I knew within two weeks he was "the one" but getting him on the same page took a bit longer but that time only strengthened us as we dealt with a couple of issues.

We've been married almost 4 years and we both are very happy and thankful for all that we have. I moved to the state where he lived so my only contact is with family on the phone and I've never regretted having the distance between us, although there are times I wish I was a bit closer to visit more often (now it's about every 2 years). I don't want to be with them much but I do love them very much... err, most of them anyway ~ lol

Don't give up on everyone, just take your time as you get to know others and learn who you can and cannot trust.