Why do i feel this way???!


Question:

Why do i feel this way???

Im turning 14 today. I have a boyfriend who i love much, i have close friends too. But lately, i just wanna die. I went thro a rly moody few weeks and ended up cutting myself. But i have my bf (boyfriend) and friends to support me, and i havent cut again since june 5.

I feel so empty inside. I want to feel the blade tear my skin, but im stronger than that. I feel so anti-social, but when im around my friends im fine. I lie in bed until 3am b4 i sleep and end up awake again by 9, b//c im too sad to sleep! I feel like i need help, but my family doesnt have money for a theripst. How can i get back to normal, and restrain from hurting myself? I feel more dead than alive...i just want my old life back =/ I wanna run away. I love my boyfriend and friends very much, and they make it better, but im begining to think i cant get happy again. I feel 'emo' or w//e. ((&& i now love watching blood)) what the heck is wrong with me? im so afraid! Plz help me!!!

Additional Details

1 month ago
Yes, genetic maybe. My parents r both on anti-depressents, i just dont want to have to take medicine to feel how i used to, great ideas tho. thank you all. i wasnt expecting this kind of reaction...and im very ashamed of this so i didnt mention it earlier but i have been slipping into anrexia for about a year too. Ill get help. =/ Oh, and Im a Christian, i have a religion.


Answers:

You need help. And a pair of plastic safety scissors.




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