I was emotianally abused are these symptoms of abuse?!

I was emotianally abused are these symptoms of abuse?

when i was young a was abused physically and mentally. Now i get really depressed for weeks at a time i cut myself at least 3 times a week. I feel like im alone in the world i cant trust anyone whenever i get start to get close to someone i push away and stop talking to them i like scarring myself cuz it makes me look on the outside how i feal on the inside. i have a really tough exterior but on the inside im loving and caring no one knows who i really am, i compulsivley lie. There are years of my life i cant remember like repressed memories. I never cry i mean never even my parents have never seen me cry but when im alone in my room i crank my music and cry and beat the **** out of myself. im 18 now and have been like this a long time i have such rage and anger sometimes i think i could get better sometimes i think killing myself is the only way to end the pain. i see a therapist now and its not helping i dont know what to do maybey is should go to a recovery home or somthin wt u thnk

1 month ago
it was my father who abused me and i do see a counsler but have not gone in about 3 months and i am not commited to a treatment facility

You sounds a bit like me in my younger years! Is there a chance you could change your councelor? I understand about the hurting yourself, I personally would beat my fists to a bloody pulp (bad coping skill I might add) I didn't cry in front of other either. But Back then, I felt i could bangage my hands, watch them heal. I know it is difficult to be broken on the inside, there are no bandages for that, or ways to watch the healing process. Sometimes it is hard for people to understand what you are going through if they cannot relate, I had hear "just cheer up" about a million times too many. I no longer abuse myself. I too can't remember parts of my life, that is common with abusive childhoods. I really feel for you, but you can recover, tho it doesnt happen overnight.