Question for borderlines?!

Question for borderlines?

I’ve known a few borderlines in my life. My mother and not suprising I married someone just like her that I am now divorcing. Here’s my mother’s story. She claimed my dad did all this horrible stuff to her. then she left him and took everything. She did this a few times before totally taking everything. Thirty years later she told me I did that so your dad would come back to me but he never did. I told her you can’t do. You can’t act out because any normal person would be glad you’re gone. My dad was and got out. My wife is doing the same thing. Left me multiple times. Told me I was doing all this to her and I wasn’t. She then contacted an attorney. Wants a messy divorce. It’s the same deal 30 years later. My question is this for you borderlines: you seem to hate someone so intensely but deep inside want them to come running to you. As you calm down, you never forget them and wished they had come to get you or dealt with as what a normal person would see as “they hate me so I am not going to go get them”. Then after the histericts and realize their leaving caused the permanent abandonment, borderlines get angry and start a smear campaign. Only to blame them and regret it later. My mother still talkes about my father 30 years later. I think she knows she screwed up but won’t admit it. She really did hate him but I can sense that she loves him still. My dad has now been happily married for 25 years now. She can’t let go of what she did and still blames him for not coming to get her all the while hating and blaming him. This is common in borderlines I’ve found out. They hate you and don’t want to be with you but long for you and really love you even though they can’t process the hate and love. It’s weird. Can a borderline explain this to me? The most significant women in my life have been like this. My mother yells at me and tells me she’s disguisted with me and I distance myself. Then 6 months later, she calls and tells me if she can come see me and my kids. My wife left and is very angry and has split me into this horrible person. However I’ve experienced this enough to know after the divorce and anger subside and there’s no one left to blame for her emptiness (we don’t have kids together), she’ll contact me or still think of how much she loved me 20 years from now. Can you BPs explain this to me?

It's really not a borderline personality. It's called blame projection. As for yourself, learn to keep your own side of the street clean and accept people for who they are.

Not only will you be happier, but you will learn the types of people you do want to associate with. If your mother calls complaining, tell her you must go, and will talk with her later. Once you realize that you do not have to engage in such chaos, you will act, and not "REACT" to each given situation. Find peace within yourself. If you learn to let go of your own anger, realizing you cannot change anyone else, you will be much happier.

It's a lifetime process, which I go through all the time. I cannot control the loved ones around me. But I can control how I react. Good luck to you, and God bless.