I'm so scared of telling someone, should i? (relates to last question)?!

I'm so scared of telling someone, should i? (relates to last question)?

ok, i'm not sure how i should tell someone, i want help but i'm scared they'll lock me away into a nut house because i'm crazy or something,

i've been feeling very strange for a while now, i see things and hear things i'm not supposed to, it scares me, i see people walking around, monsters nasty things, i see them with my eyes, they scare me, i don't like it i won't it to stop, but it won't i don't understand what's happening, they talk to me too, these people talk to me, inside my head, they say really nasty things to me, say that i should do nasty things ot my faimly to people, i don't listen but it's really worrying, i don't like it, i know it isn't real but it won't stop, they show me disturbing pictures inside my head like people getting hurt, in horrifying ways, and they say i should be doing that to them, i don't want to i won't it's so scary! how to i tell someone without being locked up for being psycho cos i'm not psycho, it gets even stranger, i have these things where

1 month ago
i'll go into dreams or something strange like that, where for a breif moment i don't know where i am what's happening, and it's like i'm dreaming, literally but i'm not, i'll be standing and it will just happen, i'll suddenly go into like a dream world, but i can see everything around me as normal, but this time i can hear nasty things screaming at me, they're trying to kill me! it's horrible, and they jump out on me, these people or monsters jump out at me trying to grab me and pull me into this like hole thing, where if i go i'm scared i'll disapear it's so frighteneing, yet i know none of this is real! yet it could be it's so scary, i don't like it, i can hear people screaming inside my head, it won't stop, i hate it i'm not psycho just this isn't right, also in these dreams if i run, in my dream, i actually run in real life, so it's like my minds in a dream but my bodys still in real likfe and if i run in my dream my body will actually run, so i'm scared i'll attack someone if

1 month ago
they try to scare me in my dream or if they look like a monster, it's so scary, i also talk to myself by that i mean i'll shout at the monsters or people trying to talk to me or grab me, i know they're there, it frightens me no one else can see them! i hate it so much, i don't want to be mad, i'm not mad, also i'll have this thing where i'll randomley act out on what i'm being told to do, like i almost went to throttle someone just because i had the urge to and they told me it was good, i wasn't myself it was so strange i never want to hurt anyone, yet i'm scared i will, i don't want to hurt anyone i don't want this, how do i tell my psychiatrist this, also i'll have funny things where, i'll think everyone's in on it, as if they're all against me as if there's some big plan that they're all in and they're trying to hurt me, as if they want me dead, as if the very text inside books was designed to trick me into there plan, yet i know isn't true! but what if it is, what do i say or do?..

Hello, I felt compelled to write when I read about the difficulties you are experiencing. Let me start by telling you that I do not have the "cure" answer per say but that you are not alone in what you are going through. I was and still believe I am a completely rational and sane individual. I am a physician who has always worked hard but had all the benefits of a good upbringing with loving parents, excellent friendships and now a loving wife and 2 beautiful children. In the past no matter what the current situation felt like or that I either got myself in or found myself in, I had a feeling of hopefulness and just knowing that good things would always come my way. They did until about 1.5 years ago.
Briefly, driven by what I can only describe as a force of negativity outside of my normal abilities to control my circumstance, it seemed the whole world was somehow turning against me. Lost was my ability to understand the intentions of people around me and the dynamics of my ever increasing number of problems that were flooding in on me. I'm not the blame others copt out type, so I mean it when I say that bad things were simply coming my way. They weren't necessarily related either. As usual when presented with adversity I attempted to qualm the "attackers" at work and "just get it done," for them and also systematically would address the onslaught of strange other life disruptions, of what I had worked so hard to establish.
What I am trying to say is that I hung in there for as long as I was physically/mentally able. No matter what or how hard I tried more bad would come my way. I lost my job with essentially no explanation to accompany my leaving - just this is what a committee decided. I lost money from identity fraud and had a number of other problems creep up related to someone hacking my two computers. Then when I skillfully negotiated taking another job at the same hopital, after about a month of working hard, getting along with everyone, and feeling like I was making progress in a new field, I was suddenly called into the department head's office and told that it was not working out. All I could say is what? At this point I did not have the energy for that place anymore and was simply worn out and depressed. I had lost that feeling of knowing and just became withdrawn.
Here's where I tie it back in. After about a month of sitting and just feeling like dying a few good things happened and prospects started looking up. Along the way, with all my experiences working with really sick and dying patients and now my own events, I believe my mind opened up to everything about our world. I have always persistently sought rational answers to my questions about the world around us. At this time it seemed that there wasn't anything to lose in breaking free from my limited thought focuses and accepting the possibility that more was in fact available to us in terms of knowledge and on a spiritual level. I tried some meditation and sought to learn new things in other subject areas. I also tried to get to my root personality and match that to a field or career that I could pursue- either in medicine or elsewhere. I felt I was making some headway. Then one evening over a year ago after I tried a meditation, I began to notice a lot of things I hadn't before. I started seeing a lot of forms and darting somethings out of the corner of my eye. I would constantly clean my glasses thinking maybe it was reflections. Then I started having the intense sensation that I wasn't alone in any room or place I was at. When this happened I thought it must be that I was still fundamentally depressed and stemming from this depression, psychotic. Yet, my overall thought process and actions weren't necessarily disorganized and I wasn't (aside: A person can become psychotic because of depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, dementia, PTSD, drugs or just because of stress or randomly. Psychosis has a broad symtom range but to diagnose it there should be a change in a person's regular perception of things or thought patterns, such that it causes a disturbance in their daily living or change -observed often by others- in their behavior related to the experience or experiences the individual is having. On the extreme end is a totally disorganized person who is so distracted, confused, non logical, non directed, and disoriented as to be rendered totally incoherent or nonsensical. Paranoia, delusions, persecutory thoughts, grandiose illusions, hallucination, thought projection can all be symptoms of an underlying psychotic brain disorder.)
All this said, yes, I was having some symptoms that could be construed as coming from a psychotic disorder. However, I will tell you that I am still experiencing these and they have grown in intensity and somewhat in clarity. I have tried many things to include dietary changes, removal of chemical and air allergens, behavior modification- like getting enough sleep and eating regularly, exercise, rational thinking/explanation exericises.
One concern I still have is that I believe there is a mold problem in my house caused by the original owner. Although I have tackled all the visible areas where I saw mold the spores usually persist. Furthermore, toxins that mold produces when more than one species type is competing and hidden areas (like under tile, within bathroom walls, in the ventilation ducts etc ) probably are remaining culprits. If significant in amount, of certain type or one is allergic I believe mental disease could result including halaucination- just think of "magic mushrooms" as an example of fungal chemical effects on the brain.
However, what I experience and see is consistent and appears well organized. Really three main phenomena come to mind. The first is forms of either human shape, or smaller slightly different in proportion forms. These I see when I look across the room and in particular one room of the house and see moving, and occasionally interacting with each other, along the walls as light grey shadows. The second ( I have been documenting these, ie taking pictures) are faces seen absolutely everywhere. They are usually simply eyes nose and a mouth but with some expression stemming from the placement of the mouth or shape of the eyes. Sometimes they look like imprints of a amphibious like creature and somethings they look like a canine's or dogs face with the continuation or the nose ridge line from just below the eyes to fork just above the mouth. My wife, who up until very recently was totally denying everything, could not deny these placed on pans, door frames, the car hood, stained into the carpet, bedsheets, on cabinets, wood furniture, glass and mirrors, everything. You can leave the room one minute and see that the carpet is clean and return five minutes later to see a face drawn right in the middle of that same spot. These "drawings" have evolved into more complex scenes being played out. Thirdly and with increasing detail I can see smaller creatures darting about. These were the initial flashes of light seen out of the corner of my eyes, like something just flew from one place to another in a room. They are still mostly transparnet and only detectible when they are moving. However, I can better detect their trails and size of about 6 inches in length. I also believe they have a mass weight of a few grams and are reptilian or amphibian in character but with a kind of serrated fins and tail. The reason I believe they have measureable mass is because occasioanlly they touch or bump into papers or plasitc bags on tables etc.. or my pant leg, no joke They also will leave an imprint or smudge on things. One of these showed the entire animal- think of a miniture dragon whose wings are along the side larger, segmented and more foreward placed. Finally and prehaps the biggest reason that I believe something other than a hallucination is present is the fact that my son out of the blue started pointing out regularily something he sees in much greater clarity. Sometimes he stares directly at whatever he is seeing and will then try to point and tell either his mother, his grandmother or me. Sometimes he will track something with his head from one part of the room to another and then will point and make noises beckoning us to see what he is pointing at. Sometimes he smiles about these - the imprints are kind of funny looking- but sometimes and especially with the forms, or if he is just tired of the distraction he is scared and cried. On 2 occasions I had his drow on blank paper what he saw and he draws repeatedly either a amphibian/reptillian looking face or that of a serious looking older man. The movements of his hand to draw the different forms are always the same.
I took him to a nearby church to fly his little airplane and because I thought it would be a safe place and he went completely nuts- pointing, talking fast, crying, eye wide open and scared to death. We had a talk after this. Previously, I had not mentioned that I too thought there was something there. This gave me credibility with him to acknowledge that sometimes I am able to see something scary or different too. I made the point that he is a little boy and these things have no right to bother him and shouldn't be scaring him like this. I taught him how to insist NO I don't want to see you and tell them to leave him alone. I made the point that they did not deserve to be paid any attention, and were not good friends because they did not properly introduce themselves, were simply scaring him, and not helping him or us as nice friends would. Therefore he was given the permission from someone who knew what he was talking about and was an authority figure to ignore them. He's very smart and took this information to heart. He's been much better since we talked, but sometimes he cannot help but get out attention over what he's seeing.
To summarize, I have also made some similar distressing observations about what's going on around us. Some people may be more attuned to this kind of phenomena but it doesn't mean you are "crazy." For the voices and nightmare like images, remember your brain is being put under stress by seemingly unexplainable things which nobody else seems to have a problem with. This increases your feeling of isolation and downright lonliness. When no one seems to understand what you are going through or seems capable of understanding you a reaction can be hopelessness. Know this - you are better than the normal human symptoms or depressed and hopeless response vulnerability. The violence/rage/guilt feelings thoughts and images are all primative attempts of a person's mind rationalize that which is terribly confusing and difficult to understand about your own self and the perceived threats to your stable mind and body all around you. The more primative and more emotionally driven action/reaction part of the brain wants to to lash out at something to take an offensive against a diffucult to comprehend disturbing attacker. There's little logic to it but it stems from a drive to survive and to kind of remove any environmental stressors (ie people, responsibilities) , and possibly simplify what seems like a very complex and threatening surrounding. The "higher" coginitive more logical brain can also add twists and inaccuracies to the developing thoughts and images one holds about the threats. You realize something is not right and have a totally understandable fear that it might not be solvable and may become unbearable. I also understand that fear kin the back of the mind that I could go off the deep end and do something horrible if I was out of control.
You are NOT close to being out of control because you and your brain are proving worthy and strong and managing what you are dealing with. How do I know? Because you mustered the strength and had the fortitude to gather your thoughts and seek help. I have used my WILL to not simply slip further into discourage ment and a belief that I am simply not made right and should be dysfunctional since I'm crazy. Or anyone who experiences this, something this bad must be crazy and have this diagnosis. Society, family, doctors will promote this image in you without meaning harm mostly. I'm not Tom Cruise with the attack on psychiatry but don't bye into any categorization, particulary psychiatric too much. There will be nothing wrong with going to a psychiatrist over things which are distressing you or effecting your functioning. There are medications which can make you less distractable, things less disturbing overall, and make you notice less about everything around and focus more on what you want to pay attention to, if these things are an issue. If you are depressed there are many antidepressant medications that work, if mood is an issue mood stabilizers that work -try high does well purified with out high vit A but with high EPA, DHA omega 3 fatty acid approximately double (a little more say plus 1/4th additional on top of the double does, standard highly concentrated omega 3 with high EPA, DHA but not vitamin A would be 2 tabs AM and 3 tabs before bed) This helps stablize mood and repair the brain. There are antipsychotics too if the doctor strongly feels that you need this- often these can be stopped if things completely normalize for you for a while. The reason I mention it is that if you are having a psychotic experience it's bad not to treat these. They can get out of control and make you that much weaker. Then if they do go away, left untreated they will often reappear and then can be even worse. There's a lot of change going on with the earth right now (no I'm not talking about global warming). People have different respones to major changes in the electromagnetic field, increased solar radiation, increased seizmic activity and weather energies and many stories are heard about people acting out of the ordinary. Add in modern day life stress in general, and it makes sense that not every one is just sailing along perfectly all the time.