How do I keep a relationship with a woman that is damaged?!
Question:
How do I keep a relationship with a woman that is damaged?
Ok first off this woman has been through alot. Her dad is basically a child due to a car accident. Her mom is in a hospital because of some kind of system reaction. She herself has not been in too many relationships. She was in this very abusive relationship where she said that the man stabbed her but she didn't want him to get in trouble so she didn't call the cops. She had a kid with him and he didn't feed her for a couple of days while she was carrying. She was so afraid while with this guy that she was afraid to call a 1800 # She is paranoid that ever guy she meets is going to be the same thing. I just want to help her. I don't care if we just stay friends or go out. I've never had someone so EASY to talk to. Tell me if you have a degree in Psychology background.
Answers:
You are a classic "fixer". You speak love by wanting to fix people... this is not bad, but can get you in some bad relationships if not careful.
I have a theology and counseling degree, not psych per see, but I have a lot of experience. here is what I suggest:
1) Talk to her about what has happened, then encourage her to get counseling. Do not cross into the romantic relationship yet. Encourage her to go for several visits.
2) Support her as she deconstructs a bit in her personality and in other life circumustances. If she pulls away a little bit, do not take it as rejection, just be available.
3) As she begins to put things back together ask her...straight out ask her what she views your relationship as. If it is as friends..so be it. If it is as lovers... great, but move slow.
4) I would suggest (boldly I know) that you might want to get a little bit of counciling as well. It is only to make sure that you are not to attracted to these type of people and to ensure you not getting hurt by them later on in life.