I feel sucked dry... please help.?!

I feel sucked dry... please help.?

I've been feeling really bad about myself and who I am for a while now. It's not depression, I'm sure of it. Maybe it's just boredom. It's because a lot of things in life haven't really gone the way I wanted or planned. And I know you can't have everything your way, and I'm fine with compromise. It's just a lot of bad stuff has been happening, and I can't help it. It's one thing after another. I think I am insecure about somethings and I don't know how to help myself. I've tried so many different places on the internet, but it's the same BS over and over. I don't feel good about myself anymore. Some of you might say it's low self esteem, but I don't think it is. I've read up on it and tried to raise it as much as possible. So I don't really know what to do anymore. I've felt so bad, I've considered taking up smoking, and everyone already says I give off a depressed look. Help me out. And please, don't give me any "you need to pray and have faith" stuff. I've done that.

1 month ago
"Maybe you're just too focused on you. If you're tired of the channel you're watching, change it. Realize that this is one day, there will be more after this. You have things happening to you that you do not think are your fault, but trust me, you made choices along the way which DO have something to do with you. Start with the biggest problem you are having and write it down, then how it became a problem. By the time you go back far enough, you will know what I mean. This is called accountability. Good luck."

I've tried accounting for my wrong doings, and I've tried being more generous and doing nice things for other people, but it can only help so much. I've also tried being more selfless. And I already have journals, two big journals, and I think I might need to move on to a 3rd one. The stuff you're all telling me is all things I've read on the internet already. Any other ideas?

1 month ago
"thesecret.tv -enter-secret gifts and play both the girl on the lawn and the building videos then buy the movie...it is about 90 min and will help you greatly"

Personally, I think your whole "secret" idea is full of it. I read the site, and personally, I think it's nonsense. I'll consider it, but I really don't feel like paying for a DVD that I think is full of crap, even if it's only 5$.

1 month ago
And the whole secret idea.... the site said it was new age, etc. Which, in my mind, falls under the category of religion, even though new age isn't really a religion.

Any other answers??

You say it's not depression & you say it's not low self esteem but as a professional it seems like both to me. This feeling you have is not uncommon {I have been there} but you will not be able to pull out alone.Try some one on one therapy, with a therapists not a shrink. Remember, we don't see ourselves too well, & sometimes it takes an objective, outside person to help. Also we are more apt to be real & honest with someone not in our social circle. Good luck to you, I know you are feeling miserable.