Sexual Abuse - Help & Advice?!

Sexual Abuse - Help & Advice?

A close family member has just told me they were abused as a child by a family friend when they were between the age of 8 & 14. This was 6 - 12 years ago as he is 20 now. What should I do for the best. I really am in such a dilema. I totally believe them, however dont know what to do. Is it the Police, GP, or what ?
Thank You
Clair

1 month ago
HI all, thank you for the advice, it wasnt me this happened to, however the person does want to talk to the police. I however am worried as it being such a long time ago and no witnesses etc... nothing would be done. He is very angry at the minute and talks of violence towards the person, which I understand, but that wont help.
The abuser has a child on the way now and I think that is how it came out now.

1 month ago
Thank You all so much for your advice. I am going to speak to his Mental Health Worker before I do anything else. I really did not realise how common this is, and how likely it is that other children have been abused by this same person. I have also known the abuser since he was 2 years old and its a very awful position for me although I firmly belive he should be punished.

You are in a tough spot, and i would try and convince the victim to report to the police himself as they can give more detailed information. If the victim won't report and you end up deciding to do it yourself, be sure to tell the victim and give them the option before you report to go with you or do it themself before you do. You want to empower a victim wherever possible. For me, the choice is easy-I'm a mandated reporter and I'd report it without hesitation. (The police is the appropriate authority as it is an extrafamilial perpetrator-otherwise it would be reported to CPS).

Let me just share a little information with you that may help you make a decision ultimately, as I realize that your relationship with the victim may be in jeopardy if they refuse to report and you decide you must do it anyway. Perhaps some of this may be helpful to share with the victim as well.

Perpetrators NEVER stop unless they are caught and I say this with absolute certainty. I am a trained facilitator for community "awareness" sessions that help adults and parents recognize warning signs of adults who prey on children in order to increase prevention efforts and reporting of suspicious behavior. One perpetrator, if not caught, can literally molest 100's of children over the course of their lifetime and while not every perpetrator is this prolific, it is not uncommon unfortunately. Males who were sexually abused as children are 17X more likely than the general population to attempt suicide. I could quote a lot of statistics, but suffice it to say that the impact is usually devastating and your family member should be encouraged to seek counseling. Also, be aware that the majority of child sexual abuse is perpetrated by people known to the child-89% in fact-so the probability that the guy who did this is still molesting other kids in the neighborhood/family is quite high.

Okay, on a personal note, I'll tell you a story about the last case I reported. The girl was about 16 and both her and her Mom asked me not to report (and I later discovered that the therapist they saw previously did not report the abuse as they are mandated to do). I empathised with the Mom and her daughter and explained i had no choice as I have a legal and moral obligation to report this as the person posed a danger to the community. I called the police and reported it and I later learned that the man I reported, who was a close family friend of the Mother and her circle of other parents, was molesting every child in this tight-knit group of parents and no one knew until the police became involved. In total, 17 other kids had been victimized. I thanked my stars for the mandated reporting laws which over rode my immediate concern for the victim's wishes and made me report it without hesitation. The police took it very seriously and all this transpired withing 3 days. True story.

I feel for your situation-it's a tough call and I hope you can get the victim to go with you to the police so as not to jeopardize your relationship with him, but the implications may be far larger than you may imagine. Good luck-my heart is with you!


Added:
Just saw your additional info and I absolutely encourage you to report if the victim is willing and wants to-it will empower him and give a healthy outlet for his rage and help him heal to know he is doing what he can to protect other children at risk (which they are). Report it to your local sheriff or the state police-your family member may even be able to sue for damages as I believe there is a 7 year statute of limitations for the civil suit (tho that may vary by state) and I do not think a criminal statute applies. I'll see what I can find out regarding that, but your best bet would be to ask the police yourself-empower your family member to make the call or go with him-you now have nothing whatsoever to lose by reporting and so many young lives that could be changed as a result!

Added again:
Information on the Law, Definitions and Reporting Guidelines:
http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/mandatory_r...
Information on Civil Statutes by State:
http://www.smith-lawfirm.com/statutestab...
Good Luck!!!!