What do you do when nothing matters anymore and no one seems to care?!

What do you do when nothing matters anymore and no one seems to care?

I can't go to see a doctor because I don't trust them - I've had a lot of bad experiences in the past - but every little thing makes me go from happy to sad in .03 seconds. I really just want to jump off a bridge right now. My thoughts are so scrambled I can't even think straight. My head feels like it's going to explode! It's like there is a little devil sitting on my shoulder screaming at me to go towards the window and that angel on the other should has ADD or something. I don't want to feel like this anymore. it’s been quite a few years and i think I'm going to crack

1 month ago
I forgot to say that i'm 21 for those who asked

1 month ago
and this has been going on for the past approx 9 years on and off

I can relate to how you feel. However, you need to find a doctor you can trust. Phone local support groups and see who they recommend. Or if you have a distress line in your community.

I know you don't want to hear this but you need to get a physical and see if anything medical is contributing to how you feel. If not then you need to explore what is causing you to feel this way.

Also, if your area has sliding scale counseling agencies, go there. You can switch therapists if you don't like who you get. The more you tell the intake worker, the better able they will be able to match you with an appropriate therapist. Often these agencies will have a consulting psychiatrist for medication concerns if needed.