Has anyone felt like this....please help?!

Has anyone felt like this....please help?

I used to take zoloft and kolonapin for anxiety and then i stopped cold turkey. Now for the past 2 weeks i was feeling depressed and had a lot of anxiety. I went back to my psychatrist and he put me back on the meds. The only problem i am having is that i am having thoughts about death. I am afraid of death and am having thoughts of not commiting suicide but just suicide in general. The worst thing is i am taking a psychology course and i am reading case studies about women hurting thier children , and also people commiting suicide. I am no way sucidal and i would never hurt my child but i cant get rid of these awful thoughts. Its really strange. My doc said the medicine should work in about 2 weeks but i dont know what to do , i was scared to tell him about my thoughts incase he thought i was suicidal or at risk for harming someone....I am afraid of death and dying but cant stop thinking about it

1 month ago
I did speak to my doctor , he put me back on zoloft and kolonapin

I haven't been depressed in some time, but I was depressed a lot in my teens and twenties. I would think it's expected to think of sad things when you're depressed. Wondering about the intellectual side of suicide is not the same thing as wanting to commit suicide. A few years ago something pushed me to look up various sites about suicide. Maybe it was just like a song that comes to you and keeps playing until you actually go listen to it, maybe even a few times.

I found some sites about suicide notes people have left, how they often mistakenly write how much better others will be without them as well as possibily being mistaken about being better off dead themselves. I doubt I would have done that if I'd never been depressed. I don't think it's a worry. I think it's part of the experience of depression, an opportunity to learn empathy and learn facts about what makes people commit suicide, such as their denial and desperation.

Are your thoughts worse than that sort of interest in a morbid subject? If not, I wouldn't worry. If so, there's always antipsychotic medicine to knock down disturbing thoughts. Your fear of being forced into the hospital if you share the worst of your thoughts is rational, but if you make it clear that you have no desire for suicide and would never do that to your child, any good psychiatrist would know you're not a danger to yourself regardless of how burdened you are by disturbing thoughts.

I'm sure it will get better as your depression eases.