How do I deal with my husbands Erectile Dysfunction problems and what could be c!


Question: The past 2 times me and my husband have had sex, he has been first to initiate- and was erect. But then he had trouble staying that way. He got really upset (obviously) because it makes him feel like less of a man. I know he's not cheating or anything, and I know he finds me attractive so those are not the problems. I think he may be self conscious/nervous or something too. Last time I performed oral on him to get him back up, but I stopped soon after he became erect and then by the time we went to go in it was gone again. It's really frustrating for me too, because I don't know what to do or say when it happens. How can I help him feel better about this? Also, we've had FINE sex within the last month, so this is kind of sudden and I'm wondering if there is a medical problem (other than classifying this as Erectile dysfunction) that could be causing it? Thanks for any suggestions. What should I do? Also, I'm sure it makes him uncomfortable talking about it so how can I approach this?


Answers: The past 2 times me and my husband have had sex, he has been first to initiate- and was erect. But then he had trouble staying that way. He got really upset (obviously) because it makes him feel like less of a man. I know he's not cheating or anything, and I know he finds me attractive so those are not the problems. I think he may be self conscious/nervous or something too. Last time I performed oral on him to get him back up, but I stopped soon after he became erect and then by the time we went to go in it was gone again. It's really frustrating for me too, because I don't know what to do or say when it happens. How can I help him feel better about this? Also, we've had FINE sex within the last month, so this is kind of sudden and I'm wondering if there is a medical problem (other than classifying this as Erectile dysfunction) that could be causing it? Thanks for any suggestions. What should I do? Also, I'm sure it makes him uncomfortable talking about it so how can I approach this?

It happens... and its tough not to feel like its his fault or that he cant please you anymore... lost his bravado.. etc... it really beats him up more than you Im sure...
Simple answers work for this.. DONT approach it, until it happens again... let him come out with it IF/when he is ready... Its not medical problem since he CANT get and keep one.. its stress or anxiety or some form of mental preoccupation....
I have found with my gf that when/if this happens, it is usually that I am overthinking things, or tryin too hard to not pop lol.... know what I mean? Or that the sex is planned or stressed and we are not truly "into it" totally.... usually a break fixes it to be honest... BOTH of you walk to the kitchen or turn on the TV in the room for a min... NOT in a angry frustrated way. Ideally You would say " We ARE GOING TO try again later..." make him feel like you still want him and will be ready when he is.... then initiate and start again,. hopefully less stressful.
Also, there is NOTHING wrong with having a "him" night, or a "her" night.... if he cant do it that night, BE SELFISH for once, ask him to do you tonight... and you will return the favor next time.. He will go for this, I promise, know why? it takes the stress/ focus OFF of him and puts it on you... you get the benefits, HE gets relaxed and in turn.. mr. mojo rises (doors reference) while hes servicing you... and i guarantee you both will be happy in the end... sometimes intercourse isnt necessary to have aREALLY fun night!
Hope this helps.

Tell him to take a physical
Put a vibrator behind his balls & go down on him
Do 69

http://www.penis-magazine.com/
here is the key.

If he's very stressed out either at home or work, it can definitely be a cause. I would just ask him if anything has been stressing him out more than usual and if you can help. I don't think it's classified as ED yet because it's a few events. Try to help him de-stress, and if in a month or two, he's feeling better mentally, but still unable to perform, maybe he needs to talk to a doctor about it.

Oh, and now he's probably ashamed because of it, so just don't give him any pressure. You can still do sexy things, but don't try to get him to have sex because then he may worry about it. Wait until he approaches you.

Could be stress.

Exercise might help, maybe a massage.

Just don't make him feel bad for loosing his hard-on. It happens, just try to keep his confidence up. Give him a bj, it helps to orgasm.

Since it actually does get erect - there is no serious physical reason.
From personal experience - relationship issues can cause that reaction.
If there have been some frustrations between the two of you - that's it.

I would suggest telling him not to worry and relax. Try some wine.
For a while, maybe just go for oral and oral.
If he is really bothered by something - the initial erection wont even occur - and he wont initiate it either.

The important thing is to give him emotional support.
Separately (not talking about sex) try to resolve any relationship (you) oriented frustrations.

Not to be perverse or anything, but he might get a thrill out of new lubricants or vibrators or something new and different.
That can do a lot to take his mind off of anything that's bothering him

There are medical diseases that can cause this problem.....hypertension, diabetes, stress....to name a few. Also...maybe performance anxiety...what about his alcohol use? Your age group?

Be supportive....and talk to him about it.....it might be just a temporary situation....

Like others have said, it's not a medical problem since he's able to get hard in the first place.

This has happened to me, so I've been there. It sucks! Getting hard is completely involuntary, so the brain can play tricks on you. If you loose it once, it's in the back of your mind and it can become a cycle because you're worried it will happen again - which makes it happen again.

Most important is to be understanding. Take the pressure off him. When he looses it, don't give up and don't act disappointed. Don't try to instantly revive it either. Change focus to a body massage, or have an alternative way for him to please you (such as oral). If he gets you off, then the pressure's off of him. He'll have an easier time when it's his turn, and he can break the cycle.

you don't mention age, we are in our 50's and sometimes my husband has the same problem. it is normally related to stress (kids, ex-wife's lawyers, work, bills, and so on)

Doc gave him some ED meds to try and he found that just half a cialis did an amazing job, no matter how stressed he was able to be ready.

Now he buys a generic online at the-med-store.com and still only takes a half a pill when he feels he needs too (about once a month). I know when he is using it because he is just a little bit harder than otherwise.

if the problem continues have him see his doctor, the stress we all live under nowadays is murder.

hope this helps

MJ





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