How is my friends state of mind after his past?!
Question: I've known him since we were babies and grew up together.
He was abused when he was younger and raped by a man when he was 15. He said he grew up thinking it was the normal thing to do between two men after his abuse when he was young. He admitted he was bi and started working as a rent boy after that, cutting himself and even OD. Hes now better with relapses. I've had his mum on the phone to me more times than I can remember sick with worry coz hes gone out in the middle of the night to meet these men and not come home till the next afternoon. The thing is, I know he's still sleeping with men. He told me he likes my sister and I know she likes him but I don't think its right with what he's doing and with his past. Can u answer me these 4 questions as best u can:
1)Why is he putting his life in danger with meeting strangers in todays soceity with all the murders and killings?
2) How messed up is he
3)What more can I do as a friend?
4)What should I do about my sister? Do I tell her?
Answers: I've known him since we were babies and grew up together.
He was abused when he was younger and raped by a man when he was 15. He said he grew up thinking it was the normal thing to do between two men after his abuse when he was young. He admitted he was bi and started working as a rent boy after that, cutting himself and even OD. Hes now better with relapses. I've had his mum on the phone to me more times than I can remember sick with worry coz hes gone out in the middle of the night to meet these men and not come home till the next afternoon. The thing is, I know he's still sleeping with men. He told me he likes my sister and I know she likes him but I don't think its right with what he's doing and with his past. Can u answer me these 4 questions as best u can:
1)Why is he putting his life in danger with meeting strangers in todays soceity with all the murders and killings?
2) How messed up is he
3)What more can I do as a friend?
4)What should I do about my sister? Do I tell her?
1) he may not completely realize the dangers. It may be for reasons that only he will ever understand.
2) That depends on what you mean by messed up. It sounds like right now he is just really confused and needs as much support as he can get.
3) Suggest he go see a counselor. You can even suggest going with him if he'd like. Don't push him though, or else he will push away from you. Just tell him you are worried about him. Otherwise if he is really against it just try to be there for him and be a shoulder to lean on.
4) I would not suggest telling your sister. She can find out from him someday in her own way. Its not your business to tell and it might really make him upset. You don't want to meddle. If they end up getting together during all of this then you just have to leave it. Tell him to tell her at that point. Otherwise you might get them both angry with you.
1.maybe he's just up to it you know,want to have fun his own way.
2.he's not that messed up,maybe he's just traumatized
3.talk to him
4.tell her when things get nasty
1. He doesn't understand for some reason. He's probably confused.
2. I don't really like calling people messed up, but he's got issues I'm sure of that.
3. Talk to him. Tell him you're worried, tell him what you said about his mom.
4. That's up to you. I wouldn't, unless you're afraid for her for some reason or another.
He is definitely really messed up and is potentially exposing himself to AIDS and other nasty STDs that he may pass on (if he hasn't already got them).
His self mutilation and OD'ing are indicators that he is deeply disturbed and is a danger to himself and potentially to others.
As a friend You should recommend that he get psychiatric therapy and perhaps hypnotic therapy to deal with his history of sexual abuse and his self-mutilation.
DEFINITELY tell your sister as she has every right to know what she may be getting into, or what might get into her.
Well I think you are a good friend being concerned. It seems like you 2 are like brothers with the length of time you've been together. I can only guess he is continuing to meet these strangers without caution because it is in his psyche as being normal and that maybe he feels mentally that he doesn't deserve better, low self-esteem? I don't know how messed up he is as I don't know him personally. But the cutting and od'ing are indicators that there is something SERIOUS going on and as a friend I would recommend, continuously, that he go and talk to someone professional because you are concerned that one time that he hooks up with a stranger or od's he may not come back and that is not something you want to see happen, because you care about him. Not to mention the pain and anguish he is causing his poor mother! Good God I can only imagine. And as far as your sister - doesn't she know him?? I would think if you grew up together she would at least have some idea of his lifestyle or at least that he is bi-sexual. And yes, if you care anything about your sister - you should ABSOLUTELY tell her!! I hope I could help and I pray that your friend starts being more responsible for himself.
I don