Bad boyfriend? MATURE ANSWERS ONLY?!
Question: Bad boyfriend!? MATURE ANSWERS ONLY!?
I was in a 4 year relationship with my ex boyfriend until he got arrested 5 years ago!. He was my first love & when he got locked up i couldn't stop crying!. He in a dangerous gang, We have some mutual friends(not the gang ones) and whenever some of my friends go for a night out and he's there with friends i try keep my distance from him but i keep getting the feelings i had for him come back to me!. When i leave he follows me out to talk!. although i still love for him i think i did the right thing!. Anyway whenever im dancing he never takes his eyes off me,He gets into my face a lot if i dance with other guys, he grabs my arm if i walk away, he has never once hit me though!. My friends are under the impression he knows he screwed up badly and he doesn't want anyone else to have me!. would that be true!?!. He keeps telling me he wants me back and will never let me go again!. I think im attracted to these kind of men because my father is in jail & he is one of the head men in a Latino Blood Gang!. Im starting counseling soon so maybe that will help!?!
Please give me some advice if you can, thank you so much
-i know a lot of you are going to attack me but all im looking for is some advice-Www@Answer-Health@Com
Please give me some advice if you can, thank you so much
-i know a lot of you are going to attack me but all im looking for is some advice-Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
It's always hard to forget your first love!.!.especially when circumstances happen that are beyond your control and they are taken away from you but its time to let go if that is really what you want to do!. I understand you have mutual friends but if you can't go out without feelings arising then you need to step back and decide if you really want to be with him or not!. If you dont then you may not want to hang out with your mutual friends if you know he is going to be there, especially if he is getting jealous of you dancing with other guys or having a good time without him!. If you do want to be with him the both of you need to sit down and talk about what happened and how you are feeling!.
One things scares me though!. If he is willing to grab onto you or get in your face when friends are around what will he do behind closed doors!. You said he has never hit you but you were with him five years ago!.!.!.people change and its not like he went away on vacation, he was in prison and may have become "hardened"!. What's saying he wont hit you!.!.are you going to give him that chance!?
Definetly go to counseling!. Perhaps you are attracted to this man b/c you father isnt around and you want male companionship!. Honestly though is it worth your life to be with this man!? You said he is in a dangerous gang (im assuming he still is even after he has been out of jail) sometimes things go wrong and others are caught in the crossfire!. Think about yourself and your future!. Can you honestly marry this man and have a family with him!? These are things you need to sort out!. Do what is best for you!. Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
One things scares me though!. If he is willing to grab onto you or get in your face when friends are around what will he do behind closed doors!. You said he has never hit you but you were with him five years ago!.!.!.people change and its not like he went away on vacation, he was in prison and may have become "hardened"!. What's saying he wont hit you!.!.are you going to give him that chance!?
Definetly go to counseling!. Perhaps you are attracted to this man b/c you father isnt around and you want male companionship!. Honestly though is it worth your life to be with this man!? You said he is in a dangerous gang (im assuming he still is even after he has been out of jail) sometimes things go wrong and others are caught in the crossfire!. Think about yourself and your future!. Can you honestly marry this man and have a family with him!? These are things you need to sort out!. Do what is best for you!. Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think that your friends are right!. He realized that he has made a huge mistake loosing you to drugs/gangs/etc!. and he wants you back!. I think that he thinks that if he can't have you, neither can anyone else!. He just needs to face the fact that you have moved on and he needs to also!. You can do so much better than him!Www@Answer-Health@Com
some advice!.!.!.STAY AWAY!!!
if you stay with him !.!.!. do you want your kids to grow up like you!?!? =/ without a father b/c he's in jail!?!?
have some sense and self-respect and move on!.!.!.!.stay away from that LOSER (he's part of your past) leave it there!.!.!.find someone who's NOT associated with gangs and have a future so he can take care of you and your family when you start oneWww@Answer-Health@Com
if you stay with him !.!.!. do you want your kids to grow up like you!?!? =/ without a father b/c he's in jail!?!?
have some sense and self-respect and move on!.!.!.!.stay away from that LOSER (he's part of your past) leave it there!.!.!.find someone who's NOT associated with gangs and have a future so he can take care of you and your family when you start oneWww@Answer-Health@Com
i'd say keep away from him and stop going to the same clubs, etc!. you don't want to get mixed into his gang stuff!. Sounds to me like you just need closure-dating someone else would be good, though i'd be careful not to wave it in his face or nothing!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
maybe give him a second chance!? you love him and he knows he messed up!. But let him know if he messes up again-your done completely!!!
Or
You can find a new bar and hope you dont run into him!?!
Good luck, follow your heart!Www@Answer-Health@Com
Or
You can find a new bar and hope you dont run into him!?!
Good luck, follow your heart!Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think you made the right choice you should go out with cool guys that get a lot of money because they are pilots or somethiing but never go out with people who are in gangs they will get you in troubleWww@Answer-Health@Com
this guy is not worth the trouble he brings you i would dump him and stay far away
please vote me best awnser i need to move up a levelWww@Answer-Health@Com
please vote me best awnser i need to move up a levelWww@Answer-Health@Com
Is he still in the gang and still in gang related things!?
If not then I think he realized he was wrong!.
Maybe you could give him a second chance!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
If not then I think he realized he was wrong!.
Maybe you could give him a second chance!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
i read the first two sentences-----Move onWww@Answer-Health@Com
well if he has been in jail and been ina gang!.!.!.i think hes not a person u an rely on!.!.!.u get what im saying!?
i dont think u shud go with him!. theres always other guys!.!.!.better then him =)Www@Answer-Health@Com
i dont think u shud go with him!. theres always other guys!.!.!.better then him =)Www@Answer-Health@Com
Time to move!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
why should i care !?Www@Answer-Health@Com
stay away!. u did the right thing!.!.!.don't get in with gangs!.!.!.it's not safe!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Move away from you useless ex-con boyfriend! Move away from your jailbird father and don't tell anyone where you move to!
You will probably end up dead or with 2 or 3 bastard children that you have to support for the next 20 years!.
Leave as soon as possible! If you haven't got enough money to pay for transportation save some up a little at a time and don't tell anyone what you intend to do! Try to line up a job in the mean time - secretly!
In another part of the country where there is no gang influence the police are more likely to protect you if someone tells your loser boyfriend where you moved to!.
Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
You will probably end up dead or with 2 or 3 bastard children that you have to support for the next 20 years!.
Leave as soon as possible! If you haven't got enough money to pay for transportation save some up a little at a time and don't tell anyone what you intend to do! Try to line up a job in the mean time - secretly!
In another part of the country where there is no gang influence the police are more likely to protect you if someone tells your loser boyfriend where you moved to!.
Good luck!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Latino Blood Gang!?!? wtf blood gang is a black gang!? ne ways it sounds like he likes you and obsessed with you and that can be a major problem when you are with other guys or whenever you want to be by yourself or hang out with your own friends by yourself and that can lead to jealousy mistrust and eventually the grabbing is going to go into hitting and then apoligizing for it and then = X so i would go find another dude and date other people!. People move oneWww@Answer-Health@Com
Have the problems as to why you ended the relationship gone away!? If not, are they any less important to you now than they were at the time you ended the relationship!?
You clearly both have unresolved feelings, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it would work out if you tried again!.
Do you feel any differently about him being in the gang!? Because if he knows that this is why you ended things, and he was prepared to leave in order to get you back, surely he'd have done it by now!?
If the same problems are still there, surely it's just going to end the same way!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
You clearly both have unresolved feelings, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it would work out if you tried again!.
Do you feel any differently about him being in the gang!? Because if he knows that this is why you ended things, and he was prepared to leave in order to get you back, surely he'd have done it by now!?
If the same problems are still there, surely it's just going to end the same way!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Only you can ultimately make the decision, but I want you to think about your safety!. Does he show signs of violence!? I know you said he never hit you, but just because it didn't happen yet doesn't mean that it never will!. I have heard terrible stories of men killing their ex's because they can't have them anymore!. You spend time with him and you know better than any of us what type of feeling you get from him!. I say, go with your first mind!.!.!.listen to your heart!. You truly know what you must do!. Our lives are very precious and we mustn't make foolish decisions that will cost us dearly!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I praise you for going to therapy!. I really think it is going to help!.
I think you did make the right decision in breaking up with him!. Not many people would be strong enough to realize this is a toxic relationship, and end it!.
We never forget our first love, no matter how stupid they are!. However, your ex, while he didn't do the ultimate crime (cheat on you), he is dangerous to be around!. If he loved you that much, he would have seen that and wouldn't have done anything to put himself in jail, thus screwing up your life as well!. He's putting you in danger by being in a gang!. That I know of, gangs won't even go for the individual members of their rival gangs, they also go for their loved ones!. And if he really loved you, he would want you to be happy and safe, whether you're with him, with someone else, or not with anyone!. He's being selfish!. What he's showing isn't love, it's control!.
I also think you might need to get new friends!. If they were your true friends, you wouldn't have had to come on Y!A and ask strangers for advice!. True friends would also tell you you did the right thing and wouldn't try to convince you to get back together with his awful man!.
I hope this helps!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I think you did make the right decision in breaking up with him!. Not many people would be strong enough to realize this is a toxic relationship, and end it!.
We never forget our first love, no matter how stupid they are!. However, your ex, while he didn't do the ultimate crime (cheat on you), he is dangerous to be around!. If he loved you that much, he would have seen that and wouldn't have done anything to put himself in jail, thus screwing up your life as well!. He's putting you in danger by being in a gang!. That I know of, gangs won't even go for the individual members of their rival gangs, they also go for their loved ones!. And if he really loved you, he would want you to be happy and safe, whether you're with him, with someone else, or not with anyone!. He's being selfish!. What he's showing isn't love, it's control!.
I also think you might need to get new friends!. If they were your true friends, you wouldn't have had to come on Y!A and ask strangers for advice!. True friends would also tell you you did the right thing and wouldn't try to convince you to get back together with his awful man!.
I hope this helps!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
No, as a woman who suffered abuse from men in her own past, attacking you is the last thing you need!.
Yes, you did the right thing and still are by staying away!. Maybe you need to stay away even more so he can't talk to you or have contact!.
When a man says to you that he doesn't want anyone else to have you, that is a big red flag telling you that he is dangerous!.
He may have never hit you before!. I was in an over decade long relationship and the one and only time I was hit; actually beaten up, was the last day I ever saw him as I called the police who picked him up and he was and still is in serious trouble with the law!. The state ordered a lifetime protective order on me and he should have had a jury trial but skipped out!.
I agree that our father's can make some of us go for men that are not good for us at all!. I have found that to be my own experience too but I stopped blaming my Dad and started blaming myself and owning up to what I have "allowed to happen to me"!.
Also to forgive someone who has done something so terrible is the only way to move on with your own life!. Forgive yourself too!.
A lot of men realize or know how bad they screwed up but usually that is when it is too late for any salvation of the relationship!.
You deserve so much better in a man!. A real man would not want to "possess" you or "own you"; he would only want to be equal and stand by your side!.
I know all too well that the bad boys were so exciting compared to the ones who are not!. That excitement is really drama that we allow in our lives!. When it's good it's good but when it's bad, it's misery!.
You will only find more misery as it continues!.
Just like I had to do, you need to learn in counseling how to love yourself enough to not allow that in your life anymore from your now ex or anyone in your future!.
Any man that is true will also love himself enough to know that he doesn't own you and only wants to treat you with nothing but kindness and good as you are a blessing in his life and he sees this!.
Relationships like this be it because of our Fathers or not are Co-Dependent and not healthy in any way!.
Once you are free of this, you will never want to be in that type of relationship again!.
It doesn't happen overnight that we are cured from ourselves either!.
It took me years and if I can help someone not waste as many years as I did to figure this all out, that is the most important message I have to give to you!.
Thoughts and prayers are with youWww@Answer-Health@Com
Yes, you did the right thing and still are by staying away!. Maybe you need to stay away even more so he can't talk to you or have contact!.
When a man says to you that he doesn't want anyone else to have you, that is a big red flag telling you that he is dangerous!.
He may have never hit you before!. I was in an over decade long relationship and the one and only time I was hit; actually beaten up, was the last day I ever saw him as I called the police who picked him up and he was and still is in serious trouble with the law!. The state ordered a lifetime protective order on me and he should have had a jury trial but skipped out!.
I agree that our father's can make some of us go for men that are not good for us at all!. I have found that to be my own experience too but I stopped blaming my Dad and started blaming myself and owning up to what I have "allowed to happen to me"!.
Also to forgive someone who has done something so terrible is the only way to move on with your own life!. Forgive yourself too!.
A lot of men realize or know how bad they screwed up but usually that is when it is too late for any salvation of the relationship!.
You deserve so much better in a man!. A real man would not want to "possess" you or "own you"; he would only want to be equal and stand by your side!.
I know all too well that the bad boys were so exciting compared to the ones who are not!. That excitement is really drama that we allow in our lives!. When it's good it's good but when it's bad, it's misery!.
You will only find more misery as it continues!.
Just like I had to do, you need to learn in counseling how to love yourself enough to not allow that in your life anymore from your now ex or anyone in your future!.
Any man that is true will also love himself enough to know that he doesn't own you and only wants to treat you with nothing but kindness and good as you are a blessing in his life and he sees this!.
Relationships like this be it because of our Fathers or not are Co-Dependent and not healthy in any way!.
Once you are free of this, you will never want to be in that type of relationship again!.
It doesn't happen overnight that we are cured from ourselves either!.
It took me years and if I can help someone not waste as many years as I did to figure this all out, that is the most important message I have to give to you!.
Thoughts and prayers are with youWww@Answer-Health@Com