Help..I did something VERY stupid!...?!

Well I'm going to give u a serious answer. But really u can't blame people for giving u smarty type answers since it is rather humourous to the reader.

Cold water will cause your penis to contract...just like when u swim in cold water. Once u have applied the cold water and it has shrunken, then u might try some form of lubricant to make it come out easier.

The only alternative I can see is to cut the bottle off.

I seriously would not wish to be in your shoes....if this is a true story that is.

... god, that has to be painful. try using something like butter to help slide it out. If it's stuck with suction then try breaking the bottle. If it's stuck with swelling, try to gently pull it out. If you can't get it you may have to go to the er and before you say "I can't go, it's too embarrassing." consider explaining how you lost your penis due to cutting of the blood flow to your next girlfriend.

You need to find a way to keep the microwave door open while it is running. Set the timer for 19 minutes. Once the timer gets down to 17 minutes insert your jarpenis into the microwave for the remainder of the time. After that your penis will be invincible, but only for about 4-5 minutes. During this brief period of invincibility you must place your jarpenis under a car tire and back over it. Only in this way can you free your penis.

Personal experience and my momma told me so.

BAHAHAHAHA! Wait is it like a Poland Spring water bottle, or one of those BIG @SS 5 gallon jugs? This is almost as bad as the story I heard about a guy going to the ER with a gerbil stuck in his @ss!!!

Okay in all seriousness now, cut off the bottom part of the water bottle then pour some ice cold water into the bottle. Wait a few, pour it out. Then pour some lube inside the bottle and at the lip of the bottle where your d*ck got stuck.

Ultimate Yahoo Answers fail.

Cut it off

um, yeah, maybe I should have been more specific... cut the bottle off, not your penis.

So what exactly is the problem? swelling? friction? suction?

If it's suction, and you cannot put a hole in the other end of the bottle, get one of those small cocktail (no pun intended) straws and slide it between your penis and the bottle to relieve the suction then slide your manhood out.

Andrew's cold water idea is a good one too.

BTW, you're the dumb@ss, not us.

You have your c0ck stuck in a water bottle and you have the gall to call any Answerer a dumb@ss.... That's an interesting point of view.

I really don't have a solution for your problem, but if it'll make you feel better, I'll star your question and bring more attention to your plight. Maybe one of my Contacts can help....

I'm trying not to laugh. Every ER doctor and nurse I have talked to has told me some really amazing stories about guys coming in with their thang stuck in this or that.
You may just have to man up and go to the ER and have them help.
They may laugh, but they will set you free.
Good luck man. I'm sure you've learned your lesson.

it was your stupid idea to do that. however here is solution for your answer.
First of all swim in cold water so that your penis get contract and apply some butter...

Find a way to break the bottle. When air enters it would be easier for your dick to come out. I did something similar when I was small many years ago; and I know how frightening it can be.

Rub an ice cube around the affected area. The cold shock should cause the penis to constrict & put your butt in reverse & back out of there.

Here's a thought, don't stick your penis in bottles anymore.

Trust me. I'm a hat.

I hope its out by now. If not just think about something really ugly so that you become flaccid and use some lotion to get it off.

suction? try putting one of those REALLY skinny straws/coffee stirrers
friction? wait for your bones to go away... if its not hard, HOW THE F*CK DID YOU GET IT IN THERE IN TH FIRST PLACE?!

HAHAHA

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH… LMFAO!

still stuck? hahahahaha

lol try butter

lube?