What is the best way for me to masturbate?!

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The rest you can think of

You need: Scented lotion, and to be very flexible.
Step 1, be alone in the house/room/etc.
Step 2, apply the lotion until your hand is able to completely slide over your penis.
Step 3, just like applying lotion, only use none, and rub/squeeze/etc. harder.
Step 4, for more fun, (make sure you're flexible for this) bend over and give yourself a blow or two.

Oh, and some music may help. Try "Into Ya" by Jesse McCartney.
Hope this helps! (oh, and by the way, your hand will not be considered your girlfriend. So don't expect you just lost your virginity to yourself.)

Hello. There are as many ways to masturbate as there are thoughts on the matter. At 14 the regular up and down motion of stroking sent me to the moon, and it probably will you too. As you get older you will discover other ways to do it, and can consult websites that specialize in masturbation to learn different techniques.

I'm a man.

Do the STop and Go Method. Masturbate till you are about to ejaculate, but STOP! Wait til the urge to ejaculate subsides, but do mot lose your erection. Repeat this process 5 times. When you do finally ejaculate, your orgasm will feel amazing.

I would suggest a rusty chainsaw, a pair of pliers and some greasy steel wool. Or you could try Demon's method, it appears he has it down to a science, best of luck.

Tape razors to your hand and just slap the living hell out of your shlong.

72 years old, been doing it since I was 18.

peanut butter sandwich

cough* the underside of ur penis near the tip is the most sensitive try focuzing on only that part (circular motions, etc) till u ***. itll blow your mind....among other things.

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shove strap-ons into your *** and **** into your mouth

Put a banana in the microwave, then jack off with it :D