I have a problem which is going to affect my life and career, please help?!
Question: I have a problem which is going to affect my life and career, please help?
Few years ago , my fathers anger made him come after me with a knife , at which point I called the cops on him and few more months after that I fled the Northern united states to get to Southern tip of North America ( in my car ) in fear of my life because of the cold war atmosphere they were giving me at home for not being like them and following their way of life. I like to be myself .
Last 2 years have been very tough on me . Living on my own . I survived one hurricane, One eviction , lived on food stamps . But in this economy and life I learned , life is very short and I keep learning things , every day something new about life and although my parents and brother didn't care much about my life , I believe I am special and believe I have a purpose to finish.
Currently , I am going for this training for a computer job where the trainer takes 40% of your salary but "Will place you" after the training. So by april I will have a job. But the thing is that I keep getting into these fight situations with my trainer due to my unresolved issues with my father. He's giving me hell and trying to isolate me becauase I tried to challenge his authority few many times. You see the reason why I do that or did that is because any time I am commanded to do something, i get offensive because my father comes in to my mind and my mind says " REBEL " . But this time it's affecting me negatively and my brain can't see the difference between my trainer and my father. I keep getting into these mental arguments with him and he's on to me now. So far he has demoted me from placing me as a programmer to just a tester and by comparing me with the other trainee constantly to push my buttons. Yesterday he tried to make me look like a lose cannon when I was trying to repeat what the other trainer answered in response to a question he asked. I am not sure how to deal with this because on one side , I "Need this job more than anythign in this life" at this time [ It'll be a 60k job and I been jobless for about 6 months ] , But on the other side My brain is telling me , " Don't let him talk to you like that , who does he think he is , He's not better than you " In the end It seems like my arrogant side wins. !
I can't have this anymore. I see that this is very dangerous for my future . I want to get rid of this side of me !! If you give me the best answer I will forever be indebted to you.
Thanks
Answers:
I think you need to see a counselor to resolve the issues with your family and the abuse. I realize that money is tight for you now, so you might want to see if there are any community agencies or universities in your area that offer free or discounted services. In the meantime, you need to take a different attitude toward your training program, and your supervisor. Instead of thinking, "he's not better than me," try thinking "he is my ticket to a better future. If I listen to him and do what he says, it won't be long before he is out of my life and I have a great job."
I don't know the situation you are dealing with at work, and I don't know you or your supervisor. But, it may be that your supervisor doesn't have it in for you. It may be that your supervisor is reacting to your rebelious behavior. If you are able to keep your emotions in check, and take the long view to this situation, you may find that things will get better between you and your supervisor.
Aside from the counselor/therapist part of it, I suggest you ask your trainer to do a small, yet seemingly weird thing. Ask him - or do this yourself - to carry a small mirror on him. When you are flashing up REBEL is when he or you hold up the mirror in front of you. Not to smash it, obviously. But to understand it's really hard to go mental at yourself - your own image.
If that seems too weird, then make an appointment with him outside of class, and just tell him why you are reacting like that. Not the whole sob story, just enough to paint the picture. Tell him how much this job means to you, and you really need his help to gain control of your outbursts.
However, IMO, the 40% thing reeks of scam to me.
Arguments and going against your trainer won't land you a good job because he has to rate your performance while training. YOU must make the move to change your attitude and to put your father behind you--bury it! Find a way to smile at a given situation then take your frustration outside the work place. My final point is find a way to work WITH your trainer and current training workplace.