Caught my fiance looking at porn. Is it wrong to be hurt by this?!


Question: Caught my fiance looking at porn. Is it wrong to be hurt by this?
My fiance has always dated brunette women, and even when we talked in the past about celebrity fantasies, all of the actresses he named were women. I am a blonde, which is totally different from what his preferences apparently are. The other night I caught him looking at porn on the computer (after he voluntarily told me before that he "never looks at it.") I never brought this up or asked him about it, he was the one who volunteered the fact that he supposedly never watches and is not interested because I "fulfill all his needs." I never thought twice or questioned it because frankly I did not care either way if he looked at it or not. However, after a while of seeming disinterested in me (he says he is so tired from working 12+ hours a day) I walked in on him viewing a video on his laptop. The woman was the total opposite of me...dark hair, thin, etc. I don't want to be petty about this, but I have to be honest, it hurt my feelings. I wonder what is he even doing with me if I am the EXACT opposite of what he is sexually attracted to? I asked him about it and he said that he knew I wasn't feeling well and needed a release. He said he just did a general search and clicked on the first video that came up (the thin brunette). I did not let on that this upset me, I just asked him because I was curious. I now feel like I am not good enough. This has killed my self esteem and I haven't been able to bounce back from it. I have struggled with body dysmorphic disorder and eating disorders, so my self esteem wasn't that great before this happened. Now my self esteem is non existent. I am so hurt, sad, and upset because he was looking at and sexually attracted to another woman who looked 100 times better than me. Has anyone else been through this? Any men that could shed some light on the situation. I don't want this to destroy our relationship but I just can't get over it.

Answers:

OK, the truth is that most men will watch porn at some point. It's embarrassing to be caught watching, but guys are visual with relation to sex. Ladies want to have the mental and emotional connection before sex, but men only need to look and they become aroused. When searching for porn online, most guys don't search for specific hair color or specific ages, they look for the specific act that they want to see...Boom, there's 10000000 things found by the search engine, scan through thumbnails for whatever peeks your interest and click. If you didn't really care if he watched porn before, and it wasn't a problem before, then cut him a break. Your self-esteem should not be diminished by that fact that he was looking at someone with different hair color, he would not stick around if he didn't care for you. I wish you both well.



Every girl is different. Some don't care that their men look at it and some do. Personally I feel the same way you do. Why do they need to look at another woman? Am I not good enough? I was really hurt by it. It killed my self esteem as well. Sorry, I'm not a man answering your question, but I can relate to your feelings.



Guys don't have a clue. We masturbate on a regular basis because no matter how much pussy we get it is not enough. He would most likely pick porno different from what he has in reality because it excites him differently. That is what makes it fantasy.

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i dont think he wants to hurt you sweetie,,,I have a wife and i look at some porn sometimes too ..just for the fun and i dont deny it,,i like to watch a porn every now and then....not a biggie..



im so sorry you feel this way i completely understand how you feel i would feel that way for sure
your much better then that girl becuase your not getting paid to have sex with a random guy



all guys watch porn lol..



Truthfully I would start wondering about marrying this guy. I do not believe that porn has any place in a relationship. And, if I caught my fiance looking at it; he would be packing his bags. It's just like if a man were ever to hit me. First time = Last time.

There is nothing wrong with you. He's the one looking at porn.

But do you really need him?



I think you're really looking to much into. Most of the time when guys are watching porn it's just about watching the sexual acts and fantasizing about doing them. He's not going to fall in love with some thin porn star. A lot of guys watch porn and it doesn't mean they don't love their significant other.



what is with women and porn. you know your man would like you alot more if you maybe... i don't know... watched it with him. try that. i didn't read your whole question cuz its too long so take my info for what its worth



Relax. Leave him alone and don't stress. You're his lover, not his mother. Give him some personal space, let him enjoy the contents of his own head, and don't harass him. No need to get worked up at all.



"All of the actresses he named were women" threw me off a bit, just to let you know. Anyways I have always felt this way, and I made it clear to any of my boyfriends that I don't tolerate it. Why would I want my man getting turned on by other women? It just never made sense to me why women DON'T care. I am not self conscious or have low self esteem, so I don't know where this comes from, but I HATE porn and wish it never existed. If my man needs porn then he can live alone with all the pron he wants.



i dont think you should be hurt.....just because your a blonde and he likes brunettes doesnt mean he is not interested in you. almost every guy looks or has looked at porn before. who knows maybe he was in "the mood" and just had to let it out. It shouldnt kill your self esteem nor hurt you. Dont be hurt from him watching porn....it couldve just so happened that video was just "interesting" to him...not because the girl was a brunette. dont let this ruin your relationship. And i dont think this girl is 100 times better looking. dont worry about it though. if you want, start teasing him or do somthing sexual to turn him on....hey it might relax you both



I am not a man but I think most guys watch porn but I think there is a time and place for it and it should not be so much. Also, I doubt he picks any certain body type of girl. It really could be any of the porn girls, he just picks one. Most guys like all types of girls so I would not take it personal. It has nothing to do with him not liking your or whatever or your features. However, if you have these problems you mention with your body and if you tell him you prefer he not watch it, then he should respect that. And, if disagrees then, you have to decide if you want to stay in the relationship.




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