My girl was raped when she was a child?!


Question:

My girl was raped when she was a child?

now some times she crys after we have sex and threw the nite wakes up screaming please help so i can help her she wont talk to me about it

Additional Details

2 weeks ago
she was been to ppl they dont help last nite it was worse then ever she woke up screaming and my dad woke up cause she lives with us she locked herself in the bath room and wouldnt let me in iam so scared and worried about her is there anything i can do or say to help her i love her

2 weeks ago
she has seen theropists they made her fell worse


Answers:

dear, dear adam,
i was molested as a child as well, for 4-6 years. God bless you for wanting to help and not wanting to run. i couldn't have coped with it alone and i can't imagine anyone doing it successfully. therapy was necessary for me. ask her if she's experienced the terror and pain long enough for her to be willing to get help. you could offer to go with her, and even though she'll not want you to, she'll appreciate the offer. tell her the importance of getting a therapist who specializes in sexual abuse. i learned that it was VERY common to feel humiliated and ashamed once the memories start coming back. i wouldn't have been able to allow anyone to go to rape therapy with me.

when i started rape therapy at age 19, i was blessed to have a boyfriend who picked me up from every session and he encouraged me to share what i was dealing with that day. that was very comforting.

another thing that was VERY grounding for me was whenever i'd cry from sadness or pain or shame, or when i jumped or screamed in terror, he'd gently tell me to look at him. then he'd say, "it's me, al. i'm NOT the man who hurt you. look at ME, I AM here, right here and now. right now, you are safe."

it's vital for her to know that she can say "no" to any affection or sexual advances at any time, without any anger or punishment from you. that will help her gain trust again in you and in the world. it will also help her reclaim her own power, which will ease her fear and sense of victimhood. it would be helpful to let her know that you love her for who she is, not what she can do for you. offer to not have any sexual contact until she lets you know she's ready, however long it takes. this will help lessen the sick, evil messages that the predator put in her head and still haunt her.

pray, pray, pray. only faith can dissolve fear. God bless you and her. may the Lord place a teacher in her life that will guide her beyond this unforgivable situation and may she be willing to be led.

feel free to give my email address to her:
suesuetwins@yahoo.com




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