I have a serious problem and need some help?!

I have a serious problem and need some help?

It all started this morning. After playing some golf and drinking beer I went to hooters and got the hotwings and a pitcher of beer. I also had a giant piece of chocolate mousse. Now I have horrible stomach ache and I feel the hooters shits coming. Is there anything I can do to ease this before i pass into a coma and crap my bed?

i reccomend the cabbage basket (thats when you put toilet paper in the toilet before you take a dump. that way the toilet paper catches the turd and it wont stain the toilet!) thats the only help i can give. give em hell.