Men and Sexuality...please help me understand this?!

Men and Sexuality...please help me understand this?

I'm a virgin and I intend to stay that way until I'm married...the farthest I've gone is 'dry-humping' with my clothes still on with my fiance, It was only one time...but I find it extremely pleasurable, and pleasurable enough for now, but I've heard that men really hate it and find it frustrating? my fiance had trouble controlling himself and I felt sorry about having to push him off? He is extremely understanding though...we might have to wait about a year before we marry, and he shares the same principles as I do. But now I want to do it again and I was hoping this would be a great alternative to actual sex while we're waiting to tie the knot :( is this going to make him suffer or hurt in any way?

I'm a guy and I loved "dry humping" when I was a teenager and chose not to have sex (though it inevitably led to sex) because of my religion. Since you said you might get married in a year, I will assume that you are at least 17 years old and answer your question accordingly.

For a guy, "dry sex" can be great (we called it "boxing"). Your boyfriend's frustration probably comes from the fact that he gets closer & closer to orgasm, but can't get there (because of the fact that guys ejaculate and that can make such a mess for him if he has an orgasm while still dressed).

As you said, you found it pleasurable too, and want to do it again (that's only natural). For a woman, orgasm is harder to achieve, but for most women it isn't quite as messy when she does (clothed) as when a man does. But whether you acheive sexual climax or not, it is very pleasurable for both partners.

You didn't say why you want to wait until being married to have sex, and that is a respecable and honorable goal. If you change your mind, that is your business and that is okay so long as you are careful and safe. Most important: Don't let anyone here, or your boyfriend, or anyone else talk you into changing your mind, or talk you out of doing so. It is YOUR decision alone, and you have to live with the responsibility and any consequences.

Here are a couple of ideas that might help... One idea, if you want to go a little farther but still not "have sex," is to use your hand to stimulate him (called a "hand job") until he has an orgasm. You can also use your mouth and your hand (oral sex). Have a towel handy.

Another idea (I know this sounds crude, and I apologize in advance), he might try putting some tissues in his shorts (he doesn't have to tell you about it if it makes you or him uncomfortable). Then he can go ahead and climax while you are "dry humping" and excuse himself to the bathroom afterwards to clean up. That will probably help him refrain from actual sex for awhile, maybe until after you are married.

Again, this may help him hold out until you're married.

But what about you? I know how good it feels, and how tempting it is to go farther, maybe all the way. But you don't have to do that if you don't want to, and you can still be intimate (clothed) and feel really, really good. It is also possible for him (or you) to use your hand (and mouth) to make you feel good too, even to the point of sexual climax.

Be aware, though, that the more you do this, the farther you go, the more likely it will become that you will BOTH want to go all the way and have full-blown sex. The temptation will become stronger and harder to resist. If you really want to wait until you get married, you might want to move the date up for your wedding (like within a few months). You can also "cool it" and back off, but that is very, very difficult at this point in your relationship, and in your life at your age.

I would suggest at least two things to think about:

First, you are young, inexperienced and pardon my bluntess, but you are also horny. That is NORMAL at your age. But given your youth, a year is a long time and although it doesn't seem possible to you, it may very well turn out that you and your boyfriend go different ways and end up marrying someone else. Consider that before you make the decision to "go all the way." And like I said, it is YOUR decision. Don't let him or anyone else make that decision for you.

Second, if you do accidentally, or on purpose, end up having sex before you are married, you should not feel guilty about doing so. Most people DO end up having sex before they are married, some with their future spouse, some with those who end up not being their future spouse. You would only be proving that you are human, not that you are bad, evil, or a sinner, only normal. But if you do have sex, remember to be careful, know the consequences, and definitely, definitely, practice safe sex. If you were to get a disease, or get pregnant, you would be affecting many more lives than just your own.

And remember that masturbation is also a normal human function, and is not shameful or physically harmful. Masturbation, including mutual masturbation, is sometimes called "the safest sex possible." If the desire becomes unbearable, you might consider that as an option. But remember that the more you do, the more intimate you become, the more difficult it will be to remain celibate and NOT have "real" sex.

Always remember, it is YOUR body, YOUR choice, and YOUR responsibility. Whatever you do, I wish you the best. And for your boyfriend, too...