Penis Problem?!

Penis Problem?

I dont nkow if anyone else has this problem but my penis is right above my belly button. When i become aroused i throw up. It is usually a white mucasy substance. I have hair on my croch between my legs but no penis. I want to know that if i cut it off will one grow in the right place. Goin to the restroom is very difficult for me i have to cough for urine to come out. it usually comes out in rapid sperts. PLease Help me!! My penis or watever it is is only one inch long. I can never wear shirts out in public because of the wierd bulge.

This is a rare medical condition called Penal Migration Sydrome (PMS), affecting over 4 million men annually. The penis begins to move slowly and usually is not noticed. It will sometimes then move back to it's original spot, but in rare occassions continue moving upward.
For years this baffled medical professionals, but an rapid increase in cases in recent years has led to increased funding for scientific research. In fact, in 2002, president Bush signed the Gephart-Armey-Cheney Bill, nicknamed the "3 Dicks Bill" because all three authors of the bill happened to be named Dick. This bill authorized 1 billion dollars in funding for research to fight male PMS.
Research has now shown that people that suffer from this condition a usually addicted to pornography and masturbation. The constant handling and jarring of their genitals releases hormones in some men that cause the penis to move upwards. If left untreated it moves up as far as it can go at which point the patient is referred to as a dick-head, in honor of the 3-dicks bill. Eventually the penis is absorbed into the brain and the patient uses it to think. Doctors are now trying to figure out why this merging of the brain and penis has made no difference in cognitive abilities. Doctors are now speculating that the patients may have been thinking with their penis all along.