Breast cancer patients/survivors - please help with some advice...?!


Question: We just found out that a close family member has breast cancer - not sure what stage or prognosis yet because she has only had a biopsy and is going through more studies (CAT scan etc. to see if there are any more suspicious spots).

My problem is that I don't know what to say to her - I have been a nurse for a long time and tend to focus totally on the clinical aspect of illness - especially since I've worked in the operating room for so long. I see patients for a few hours while they are asleep, take the best care I can of them, and then rarely see them again.

I don't want to seem callous to her and focus solely on her surgeries (which is obviously my comfort zone) - I'm afraid I'll say something stupid or not say the right thing and just come across as uncaring - when, in fact, I do care a great deal and want to help any way I can.

Any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated.


Answers: We just found out that a close family member has breast cancer - not sure what stage or prognosis yet because she has only had a biopsy and is going through more studies (CAT scan etc. to see if there are any more suspicious spots).

My problem is that I don't know what to say to her - I have been a nurse for a long time and tend to focus totally on the clinical aspect of illness - especially since I've worked in the operating room for so long. I see patients for a few hours while they are asleep, take the best care I can of them, and then rarely see them again.

I don't want to seem callous to her and focus solely on her surgeries (which is obviously my comfort zone) - I'm afraid I'll say something stupid or not say the right thing and just come across as uncaring - when, in fact, I do care a great deal and want to help any way I can.

Any suggestions or advice is greatly appreciated.

Forget about your worries. Try to have a positive attitude and keep it in mind that you don't "have to have all the answers". Just hold her hand and BE with her. Talk about the little things, they are what matters at the end of the day. Help her where you can and make sure there is a large group of people around helping out. The person with her must stay at %100 and this is hard to maintain day in and day out. Remember to think about her, not just her disease. Take 5 minutes and consider the worst case scenario. This will do two thing for you, one : allow you to face your fears Two: now that you have taken the time to consider it you can move on without having to do it again.

In a nutshell:

Talk and Hope for the best.
Plan for what might happen
Live in the moment with her.
Everything else will sort itself out as it needs to.

One last bit of advise, every day before you go to bed. look back on the day and find something good about it. This got me through quite a bit.

Good luck!

Just be yourself. As a breast cancer patient the last thing I want is for people to act differently around me. It makes me feel self conscience about what I am going through.

She may very well have questions for you because of your profession and your knowledge is likely to be very helpful and comforting to her - many people want to find out as much as they can about their cancer - I did.

But for the most part remember you're someone she loves and not her nurse. Just be yourself and don't walk on eggshells around her. You love her - if you were to say something 'stupid' she'd understand.

I just want to mention something I experienced. After my breast cancer diagnosis it seemed everyone who I told was very brisk and business-like about it - telling me about people they knew who'd survived, telling me I'd be fine (the doctors didn't know, how could they?), telling me to think positive (hated that and still do!) - so that when finally I told a friend who just burst into tears I was really touched. Don't be afraid of showing your feelings and fears.

In short just be there for her and be yourself. Most of the time you'll find yourself talking and laughing as you always have, but let her talk about her illness and share her fears with you if she wants to.

Once her treatment starts, rather than saying 'if there's anything I can do...', just do it. Clean her house, cook a few meals, pick up her kids if she has them, that sort of thing.

I wish you and her the best, I hope her treatment goes well.

Half-Life I'm so sorry about your wife.





The consumer health information on answer-health.com is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions.
The answer content post by the user, if contains the copyright content please contact us, we will immediately remove it.
Copyright © 2007-2011 answer-health.com -   Terms of Use -   Contact us

Health Categories