My partner just told me he gets cold sores - after having a break out that he co!
Question: Im terrified of hsv1 and hsv2, ive never had an std in my life. I know its incredibly shallow to dump someone for having cold sores but I keep thinking about the risk of genital infection. Ive been intimate with him and now Im worried not only about infection - but about what to do. Will he understand if I break up with him! Does doing that make me a bad person? Are any of you dating a person with cold sores - have you been infected by them?
Answers: Im terrified of hsv1 and hsv2, ive never had an std in my life. I know its incredibly shallow to dump someone for having cold sores but I keep thinking about the risk of genital infection. Ive been intimate with him and now Im worried not only about infection - but about what to do. Will he understand if I break up with him! Does doing that make me a bad person? Are any of you dating a person with cold sores - have you been infected by them?
I caught genital herpes through receiving oral sex from a partner that gets cold sores. He didn't have one when he gave it to me - you can be infectious without symptoms. The same thing happened to my sister. It is very common now to catch genital herpes from a partner that gets cold sores giving you oral sex- it accounts for half of all cases of genital herpes.
The stats as far as I know are - oral herpes (cold sores) is infectious about 18% of the time, including about 10% of the time when no symptoms are present. 70% of infections are transmitted when there are no symptoms.
However, 8 out of 10 people are infected with the virus - and 90% of them have no symptoms and are completely unaware but can still pass it on. Just because someone doesn't get cold sores does not mean that they aren't infected or can't infect you. Will you avoid 80% of men? How will you know if they have it, will you get them tested before you kiss them? It is possible that you have oral herpes yourself without knowing - actually more likely than not - unless you have had a type-specific blood test which has come out negative you can't be sure.
If you have the oral herpes hsv-1 virus in your system, you can't catch it from him either genitally or orally.
A lot of the people who answer you saying they haven't caught it will be infected themselves without knowing. My friend, when I told her how I caught genital herpes, told me that her boyfriend had given her oral sex many times with an open cold sore - but she has never caught genital herpes, which probably means she already has oral herpes, and just doesn't have symptoms.
You want the honest answer though? It does look incredibly shallow and looks as if you don't actually care for him at all. I knew my boyfriend got cold sores and it didn't put me off - I loved the whole package. Of course he won't understand, of course he will be hurt. If you are so worried, why not a) get yourself a blood test to determine you don't have it in the first place and b) use saran wrap or a dental dam when he gives you oral sex? There are many ways around it.
it is ok to break up.It is your personal choice....does he have genital herpes?if that is the case I think it is your right
relax all cold soars can be treated and get better
Ick, dump him. Nope doesn't make you a bad person, he's the bad person for not telling you in the first place, that chit is contagious.
I have never experienced having a cold sore or been involved with anyone who had cold sore. It does sound frightening. Use the source listed to investigate subject.
He definately should have told you that he gets cold sores, as it is very contagious, usually only when the sore is present, but as you never know when you are actually going to have a breakout you can't rely on that alone. He should never be intimate with you while having a breakout.
Let him know that you are understandably very upset about it and it is up to you as to whether your love for him runs deeper than a cold sore.
If he only kissed your neck, you can't get it, but if he kissed you on the mouth or genitals, then you can get hsv1 or 2...I somehow ended up with hsv2 and I believe it was from a cold sore from my partner...Before that I wouldn't think of dating anyone with hsv1 or 2. My partner stayed with me although he tested negative. I wouldn't blame you for leaving...Had I had the option, I would too.
80% of the population has HSV1 - cold sores on the mouth. 25% have HSV2 - genital herpes. So, yes, I think you're freaking out quite a bit. Do you like him in other ways? Is he a good person? When you look back later at this time in your life, will you think, "I let a good guy get away"?
cold sores of the mouth are normal. don't engage in any type of oral sex until they are gone. Kissing someone with a cold sore isn't too much of a problem, but if you feel more comfortable, don't kiss him until the cold sores are gone. Cold sores can be an indication that you are sick with a cold, or have a fever. It's normal sweetie, anyone can get them.
It is normal to be apprehensive about STIs, however 80% of the adult population have HSV type 1 (the cold sore version of the herpes virus) so if you are concerned with your partner kissing you, then you are going to have issues kissing any future partner, because the likelihood is that they carry the virus as well. You yourself may well be carrying the virus and not know about it because the vast majority of people have little or no symptoms at all. In fact only 20% of those that have the herpes virus know about it. Because of the high incidence of the virus among the adult population, I would suggest that you work on your own issues related to the virus. If you really value your boyfriend as a person, I wouldn't let the virus get in the way of what could be an amazing relationship.
Having said that, you can catch genital herpes from someone that is prone to cold sores if they perform oral sex on you and you don't already have the virus yourself. It usually occurs when there is an outbreak present. I know this from personal experience as I caught HSV type 1 in this very way. There are many ways of minimising the risk of contracting the virus though such as diet, stress minimisation, medication and the obvious refraining from sexual activity when an outbreak is present.
The virus itself is no big deal though ... it's just a virus and it doesn't define who you are. The worst part about the virus is the ignorance that you face from the general public who are, through no fault of their own, uneducated about the virus.
Hope it helps.
Harmony
http://www.harmonyonline.com.au
I think you need to take a deep breath ancd calm down.
An estimated 80-90% of the world's population is infected with HSV 1. It is one of the most common and easily transmissible viruses out there. I have it...so do millions...and I mean millions...of other people.
HSV 1 is herpes simplex 1...or oral herpes...it causes cold sores. Most peope are exposed in childhood and many will never know. Many people are simply carriers of it and never have any outward signs of it. If a person does have a cold sore, it means that they virus flared up. For the most part, the virus will lie dormant in a person's system and flare up during times of stress, after exposure to the sun and so on.
To break up with someone because they have HSV 1 is pretty immature. What are you so afraid of? To prevent oral-to-genital transmission, do not have oral sex with him when he has a cold sore. Another point...you almost certainly have HSV 1 yourself. So, the same would apply to you.
Please get some education. You are working yourself into a frenzy over something that is as common as the ice cubes in your soda.
EMT
just don't kiss him or have oral sex while he has a cold sore, the cold sores (they are considered oral herpes) can be transfered to your genitals. it happened to me when my bf had cold sores and now i have genital herpes and oral herpes. talk to him about it and tell him that your worried about him passing on herpes to you. its good that you use condoms though and continue to use them because it cuts the risk down some. he may understand if u want to break up with him its your choice to make. if you really love this guy though it shouldn't matter that much, it might make u seam a bit shallow and immature to him for breaking up with him. having herpes is just an inconvenience and not life threatening. remember just don't kiss him or let him give u oral sex while he has a cold sore. be responssable and always use protection and no sex while he has an outbreak.
my bf has herpes im not leaving him tho cause he just found out and i need to be there for him ... i might have it too but we both didnt know until 3 days ago ..