How can I tell my dad to shut up?!
Question: I have an eating disorder but I am starting to recover. My new year's resolution is to eat normally. I had a not so common eating disorder: Sometimes I would starve myself for a couple of days, sometimes I would eat too much and make myself sick afterwards or exercise like crazy and sometimes I would also eat normally. I'm not underweight I'm 5'4' and weigh 113 pounds. Before the eating disorder I weighed 127 pounds.
The thing is, I have a very good relationship with my father but he is also very weight concious and that makes me really sad sometimes. He says things like "it's really ugly to be fat, it's great you lost some weight" and "do you really wanna put mayonnaise on this?" or "poor girl she's really fat (even when she isn't)".
How can I tell him that the way he thinks is really stupid without hurting him? Because the way he acts really brings me down sometimes. And my sister isn't the thinnest and I don't want her to get an eating disorder too.
Answers: I have an eating disorder but I am starting to recover. My new year's resolution is to eat normally. I had a not so common eating disorder: Sometimes I would starve myself for a couple of days, sometimes I would eat too much and make myself sick afterwards or exercise like crazy and sometimes I would also eat normally. I'm not underweight I'm 5'4' and weigh 113 pounds. Before the eating disorder I weighed 127 pounds.
The thing is, I have a very good relationship with my father but he is also very weight concious and that makes me really sad sometimes. He says things like "it's really ugly to be fat, it's great you lost some weight" and "do you really wanna put mayonnaise on this?" or "poor girl she's really fat (even when she isn't)".
How can I tell him that the way he thinks is really stupid without hurting him? Because the way he acts really brings me down sometimes. And my sister isn't the thinnest and I don't want her to get an eating disorder too.
The best thing to do is to tell your dad the truth. When he starts making a comment like that, you say, You know, Dad, the fact is that she is NOT fat and she does look good, and historically, it is comments like that that cause women such as me and sister to get eating disorders in the first place.
Secondly, Pa, it is degrading to me and sister as women to know that our only value in the eyes of men is how we look, instead of how we act or how we think. Would you have me marry a man who is only interested in my body? Or would you have me marry a man that likes the way I think?
I am not trying to be rude or disrespectful, dad, but you have to understand that it SOUNDS like your only value in women is how they look, and that is a terrible message to give your daughters, and that is what you are doing, even if that"s not your intention.
Oh, and yes, I am going to put some mayo on this because it tastes good.
It might make him angry for a minute, but your words will reverberate in his head and make him think about what you have said. He might not tell you that you are right, but he will KNOW that you are right.
And remember, Honey, dads are human and they make mistakes. His intention is not to hurt you, he is just "helping" you the wrong way, and you can let him know that by a matter-of-fact word rather than by a passive-aggressive act (like an eating disorder). And frankly, it is a far more mature thing to tell dad, politely, to back off than to "get sick" just to punish him - and that"s what an eating disorder is, punishment towards someone who has harmed you in some way.
Just ask him to keep his opinions on weight to himself, politely. Tell him his comments are getting you down, and making you self-conscious, and he's supposed to support you, not critisize.
Just say dad your really making me feel bad about this and your bringing me down. If you just help me out i can become thinner but instead your hurting me with words and then tell him how you feel.
You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with your dad. Explain to him that his vocalizations on your eating habits, and the weight of others, are 1. degrading and 2. hindering your recovery efforts. let him know that it is putting strain on you, and you need to be able to eat normally in order to be the healthy daughter I am sure he wants. I am sure if you explain everything calmly but firmly to your father, he will respect your wishes and maybe think twice before commenting. Good luck!