Should I tell potential dates that I am a cancer survivor?!
Question: I fought cancer and have been in remission for almost 2 years with the exception of a few health conditions I overcame. I am looking healthy, feel good and want to start dating and put this battle behind me. My issue is when is it a good time to tell someone that I am a cancer survivor? During the first date or later or never? I don't want to be defined by cancer because I know I'm more than that. Please help.
Answers: I fought cancer and have been in remission for almost 2 years with the exception of a few health conditions I overcame. I am looking healthy, feel good and want to start dating and put this battle behind me. My issue is when is it a good time to tell someone that I am a cancer survivor? During the first date or later or never? I don't want to be defined by cancer because I know I'm more than that. Please help.
My sister fought cancer 20 years ago and is cured. She has moved on since then and she rarely thinks about cancer. She has done so much in life and has filled her life with her family, friends, work,hobbies and accomplishments, not once has she defined her life by cancer or used the cancer card. She just wanted to forget and she did. I could understand why you don't want to be defined by such a difficult time in your life. On the other hand, it is a small part of your life but it doesn't have to define you completely.
As to dating, wait until you get to know him and then spring it on him. You'll know if they are keepers or not when they either support you or not. Never spring it on them on the first date. It's too much to hear on a first date and it will probably scare them off.
Congratulations on your remission! 2 years is a good sign.
Congratulations on being a survivor!
If in your position I don't think I would tell them right away. I would wait a little while until I see how things go... how close you become, how serious things get, and how much you care for one another. If it reaches the level of seriousness where you honestly begin to think that you may be together forever then mention it to them. It's nothing to be ashamed of, but like you said, it's also nothing to be defined by.
Hope this helps!!
Well depends on generally the person, I would tell them on the second date, Just be Sure they are Open-minded. there is some pretty ignorant people out there, im type 1 diabetic and sometimes i tell people and they are like " ITS NOT contagous is it?". probably the rudest comment someone tells me. but absolutly on the 2nd or 3rd date. alot of people may be afraid you still have some cancer and dont wanna begin a relationship and have it get serious, and then loose that person- hope i helped
Good on you girl for getting over cancer,that alone is a great hurdle,I would wait and see how the friendship goes and I would tell him before you get-up to the sleeping together stage,just so he has the option to back out or he may love you more for being honest,we have a Filipina friend that lost one of her breast to cancer,but she tells the guy straight away and their gone before she knows it,some guys just can't handle only one breast.Goodluck girl and keep your chin up.
I wouldn't reveal it on the first date and I wouldn't wait until it's already serious. I'd do it when you think there's a good chance you could progress to the serious stage. It's only fair to them and it prevents a lot of hurting in the event that such a fact DOES matter to the other person.
I get that you dont want to be defined by cancer, but this is a major thing. I am not defined by cancer, but my expereince has a lot to do with who I am today. Also, two years is still a short amount of time. You are likely still experiencing some after effects and your relapse chance is still high. I would want any potential partner to know these things about me and what they might be asked to go through with me. My love of my life that I am with now was friends with me the first time. We actually started dating during the first time. But it was long distance. He didnt see the gory details. I made sure he was well informed because I wanted to know that if we were to get serious, that would be the things he would be dealing with. And it paid off. I did relapse and he did have to see the gory details. And even though he wasnt here the first time, my complete openness with him helped him deal this time. I would hate to be 6 months into a relationship and then get dumped because my partner doesnt have a clue what to do or how to handle whats going on. Think about that. I know you dont want to be defined by cancer but the cold hard truth of the real world is that to some degree you will always be defined by your cancer.
I've never told someone up front (*especially* on a first date). That usually makes things awkward. There's no need to set a specific time to let people know. Eventually, something in the conversation will lead to you telling them.