What do you think of this thesis statement?!
Question: I had help from someone on here they got most of it started. I changed a few things and added a little bit of extra.
Sexual intercourse may seem entirely harmless, however the escalating number of those with both curable and incurable sexually transmitted diseases confirm that what may appear to be safe can be exactly the opposite. Not only can you get a Sexually transmitted disease from intercourse, but also from sharing a needle with someone, who actually has a STD.
Answers: I had help from someone on here they got most of it started. I changed a few things and added a little bit of extra.
Sexual intercourse may seem entirely harmless, however the escalating number of those with both curable and incurable sexually transmitted diseases confirm that what may appear to be safe can be exactly the opposite. Not only can you get a Sexually transmitted disease from intercourse, but also from sharing a needle with someone, who actually has a STD.
Is this about STDs or sex?
If it's about sex - leave out the comment about the needles
If it's about STDs - change the last sentence from a LONG run-on sentence
I think its pretty good til the needle part ... If your essay is about intercourse and STDs than u should take out the needles in ur thesis
No, it is way too long, what the hell are you going for? You really need to aim for the balls with this one. How about: Sexually transmitted disease can affect the most unpredictable persons, despite traditional belief.
Then the 'unpredictable' person will want to read this. STD's are such a boring concept, nobody wants to read about it.
My concern is that you left out HIV (which is a STD) which is one of the biggest fear with sharing needles, yes there are other STDs but HIV needs to be called out as well.