Do I ask or keep my my shut?!
Question: I'm worried about my Father in law as he's been unwell on and off since October last year. He keeps losing his voice and they have ruled out virus (after 5 months!) He's now going for all these tests of X-Ray, spirography, bloods etc and he's now quite withdrawn and seems breathless.
We visited last night and he was so quiet. Not at all like normal.
I feel he may be keeping something in and we are very worried. Should we ask or keep quiet and wait for him to tell us? We don;t like to interfere or intrude but do want to help and support if he needs it.
Answers: I'm worried about my Father in law as he's been unwell on and off since October last year. He keeps losing his voice and they have ruled out virus (after 5 months!) He's now going for all these tests of X-Ray, spirography, bloods etc and he's now quite withdrawn and seems breathless.
We visited last night and he was so quiet. Not at all like normal.
I feel he may be keeping something in and we are very worried. Should we ask or keep quiet and wait for him to tell us? We don;t like to interfere or intrude but do want to help and support if he needs it.
This is a delicate situation and may depend on your relationship with your father in law. If you are close to him then choose a time to be with him that suits him. Then chat away about the usual things and perhaps just gently drop into the conversation that you know things are not easy for him right now, but that you'd like to think he can come to you if he
needs to. If you have a touchy feely relationship with him, then accompany the remark with a quick hug, then drop the subject if he says nothing. Just acknowledging to a person that you do understand things are difficult can sometimes permit the sufferer to open up. Ultimately it is up to him as people deal with things in their own way and you can't force him to confide his troubles if he doesn't want to. You have to respect his pudeur and privacy. I wish you, and him, the best of luck.
ALWAYS ask.
I know in my own case (and my father's who has emphysema), I want to be asked. It's not seen as interference - especially if you voice your concern to him the way you have to us.
If you wait for him to tell you, the sad fact is that he may never tell you, and you will always be left wondering WHAT IF?
ASK him!
Could be anything, cancer, asbestos poisoning etc etc.
You should make him aware that your there for him and try not to make too much of a fuss as he might be finding it hard to deal with.
I know how you feel as my uncle died of stomach cancer when we all knew something was wrong but he didnt make a fuss and we saw him deteriorate so slowly.
Good luck and best wishes and hope you can help him in his tough times!
If you don't ask you'll regret it if he ends up having a deadly disease
well if you are worried to point you think he well die then ask but if not just give him time it might be hard for him to say anything to you yet.
Aww hun - I'm sorry. I think you have to ask really. Good luck.
If he keeps losing his voice maybe his throat hurts so he doesn't speak much. He may also be scared of what it might be which is making him pensive and withdrawn. Best to ask as awkward as it may be.
ask him, he could be waiting for someone to ask him so he can share his worries, men are not always good at sharing things they are worried about, if he doesnt want to tell you then wait unitl he approaches you, wish you all the best x
Always ask!
Tell him how concerned you are about him. Maybe go with him on his next appointment with the Doctor and ask about the diagnosis, the proposed course of treatment and the prognosis (likely outcome).
Health professionals will not object to a family member asking these questions.
Well, I think you should ask. Maybe he wants you to ask. Its always better to go ahead and ask and risk what might be said then not to ask at all.
Ask. What's the worst the happens? He might tell you it's none of your business, but that's his perogative. At least he's following through with medical care. You might want to ask your FIL for permission to speak with his doctors; he could be willing to have you do that instead of trying to tell you himself.
He may be not telling you family members out of consideration for your feelings, just as you may be reluctant to ask not only due to matters of privacy and choice but because you don't want to put uncomfortable ideas in his head if they are not already there.
If your mother-in-law is still around and with your father-in-law, you might open up a conversation with her. From your post, it rather sounds as if this is not the case. Could your husband approach his doctor, asking this specific question - does s/he think the question should be raised? If there were bad news to tell, would it be delivered straight away to your father?
My own father had emphysema and it changed him. The shortage of breath could mean that not enough oxygen is getting to the brain. Concentration is needed just for breathing and there is not much left for communication. If he does not already have it, he may need an oxygen supply.
It's a tough situation. I hope it all works out well for all of you.
What does he do for a living? I lost my dad to asbestosis a year and a half ago. And he never smoked a cigarette in his life. But the cigarettes could be the cause of his losing his voice. It takes years for them to detect asbestosis, and years after that for it to take a hold of them, before it becomes full blown. If he has not been a plumber, or heating, or mechanic, and only been around asbestos a bit, it is probably not it, he needs to get to a doctor though.. soon.. He is family INTERFERE..