For those that had a recurrence of cancer did you tell fewer people?!


Question: the second time around than the first time?. Please tell why if you told more, the same or fewer and why?.

I am going thru it now, and have told fewer people since some relationship do change. I understand some people just feel uncomfortable because they are unsure how to respond. I do not think any less of them.


Answers: the second time around than the first time?. Please tell why if you told more, the same or fewer and why?.

I am going thru it now, and have told fewer people since some relationship do change. I understand some people just feel uncomfortable because they are unsure how to respond. I do not think any less of them.

I am kind of an open person and those who know me - family, friends and co-workers I told what was happening. I have stage IV breast cancer and I was a basket case when I got the news. My husband also had just died. So, I needed a lot of support. I didn't tell any of the neighbors and I have not casually talked to people about this who do not know me. I probably was more open the first time. It is true that many people have a difficult time responding to this information because they can't fix it. I also do not handle platitudes very well.

It's good that you can look at it as "unsure how to respond". Exactly right. My step-dad is going through this and even though he's awesome, my first instinct is to work towards disconnecting- even though it's the last thing I'd want to do.
Since I'm not familiar with anything happening I might have volunteered info to my friends to see about similar experiences when I don't feel I should have.

Congratulations for verifying what I have always felt. As soon as people learn you have cancer despite high cure rates , they look at you in an entirely different way and the relationship you had is gone. The trend was to tell everyone, get sympathy and support etc. But then what. You are definitely on to something and I do hope others read your question. The people I know who have not discussed their Cancer with anyone seem to be doing much better. They value their privacy . The only thing one has to do is be certain their Dr and the staff of hospital and/or office are instructed again ( even though HIPPA rules should be enough to keep their mouths shut) to not leave phone messages with anyone else or on machine about your disease. I believe the only persons who might need to know are ones children since they may think twice about having children if the genetic probability that those children will get the cancer is present
You are smart and I hope your next treatment round goes quickly and well and you can enjoy your privacy and good health afterwards

I told fewer people but it was my 4th run with it. I guess maybe I didn't want questions asked of me (again). I did the run for Cancer last year and was uncomfortable with it. It's like everyone then knew I had cancer. I like my privacy.

Um no. I'm slightly more gaurded talking about it than I was before, but I've been pretty darn open. . .

That said, I'm not working (or at least not a traditional 9 to 5 job). . . so I wouldn't get into it at work.

This is what I'm going thru so I need for people to understand that. . . and sometimes I still need help--so yeah I shared.

Good luck ..

My family is pretty well known in our small town So when something happens to us they usually all know about it. Do we go out and tell people? No. They just hear by word of mouth. Relation we do tell because we do not want them to find out through the grapevine. I would ask that you do the same. It is much better coming from you.

I'm pretty much recovered from my 3rd round and while I don't shout it at every street corner I've been quite open about it. I haven't noticed that anyone treats me very differently.

Actually my first round of cancer seemed much more of a big deal to me, although subsequent ones were more serious. So now maybe people are easier with it because I'm easier with it. I make jokes about it.

I have only had cancer once, but I pretty much feel that if it recurs I will probably be less scared and will not feel I need to tell every body I see about it-it just seemed to obsess my thoughts. I probably drove everybody nuts!! I think the next time I will probably be quite a bit more secretive-if there is a next time.

I've had 8 occurences of melanoma and I stopped telling people after the 3rd occurence. And I agree, they're not sure how to respond but it also gets depressing for them I think so I just keep it to myself.





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