How to deal with denial?!
Question: My mom has pancreatic cancer. She was told she had 2-3 months to live. This was at the beginning of February. She has had alot of problems with pneumonia, and intestinal blockages. She survived all those hurdles, and is now in a hospice house. Since she arrived at hospice she's doing much better. Since she feels well, and isn't in any pain right now, she thinks that death is not that close. She wants to move alot of her belongings into the hospice. The way she talks, it sounds like she thinks she's going to be there for a long time. We have talked to her, the Dr's, nurses etc, and she says yes she knows she's going to die, but everytime we turn around she's talking about 2, 3, 4, months from now. It is so stressful for us having to deal with this. And also we live a 6-7 hour drive away, and have been driving back & forth now for the past month.
Any suggestions? She is 83, but still has all (most) of her marbles
Answers: My mom has pancreatic cancer. She was told she had 2-3 months to live. This was at the beginning of February. She has had alot of problems with pneumonia, and intestinal blockages. She survived all those hurdles, and is now in a hospice house. Since she arrived at hospice she's doing much better. Since she feels well, and isn't in any pain right now, she thinks that death is not that close. She wants to move alot of her belongings into the hospice. The way she talks, it sounds like she thinks she's going to be there for a long time. We have talked to her, the Dr's, nurses etc, and she says yes she knows she's going to die, but everytime we turn around she's talking about 2, 3, 4, months from now. It is so stressful for us having to deal with this. And also we live a 6-7 hour drive away, and have been driving back & forth now for the past month.
Any suggestions? She is 83, but still has all (most) of her marbles
Remember that even though you are the one that is losing your mother, you are not the only one grieving her life. Your mother is going through the grieving process, and denial is a stage of that process. Right now, the hospice nurses have her feeling good (probably steroids - my mom is about the same spot as your mom, with the same disease, about to go, but not quite there yet). Let her be happy with what she has. Bring her items that she enjoys...remember even though she thinks there are months ahead of her, you know there are not. She needs to be able to enjoy the remainder of her life, by looking at the things that she enjoys to look. It's about comfortability.
My mom doesn't want to die in a hospital, or a hospice room, she wants to die at home, where she is comfortable, and familiar with the surroundings. Remember that part of dying.
It's not only about your family, but it's about your mother's wishes, too.
she might just fool all of you! if you want her closer to you move her and the state you reside in will take care of the hospice in your area, you just have to contact them. talk with your mother and suggest her moving closer. the mind is a powerful thing, never underestimate ones mind. she may live longer and maybe she knows that she is trying to live longer, its possible that shes not ready to give up just yet. i too have cancer and they told me i would die from it but not tomorrow. so guess what I'm not going to let it get me down, im still planning for the future. i may be here or not, who's to say. when its our time to go, we will go and not a minute earlier. sorry to hear about your mom, just go along with her. don't give up on her yet!
I agree with Sunshine. The mind is a powerful tool if used in a positive manner. I was told I had about 6 months to live.. that was 16 months ago! I am getting stronger every day.. no one is going to tell me when I am going to die!
All the best to your mom and your family..
Barb, please don't take the good days from her. Let her think 2,3,4 months from now. If that makes her feel better let her do that. When you are faced with death, you don't want to believe that you only have a few short months left. Let her do whatever she wants at this point. If she wants to believe that she will be here for a while than let her do that. Don't take that from her. Please remember to that Drs. just make an estimate on the life span. They really can't say for sure. Please just be there for her and help her through the rough times but don't take the good ones from her. Please take carre and God Bless
I KNOW IS HARD TO LIVE THIS SITUATION, BUT YOU NEED CLOUSE TO YOUR MOTHER:
1.- BUY A BONSAI TREE, PUT CLOUSE TO THE BED OF YOUR MOTHER. THIS TREE WILL BE HELP TO YOUR MOTHER WITH HER CANCER; IF YOU AND YOUR FAMILY HAVE A VISION TO SHE FEELS WELL AND PRAYER 9 OWER FATHER, AND ALL TAKE IN YOUR HANDS.
2.- YOU NEED TO MADE A ROLL WITH MEMBERS FAMILY, ITS HARD BUT SHE LOVES ALL OF YOU, SO IS TIME TO GIVE TO HER LOVE AND PEACE.
3.- TREAT TO DEAL WITH HER AND MADE SPACE IN YOUR HOME OR NEAR MEMBER OF YOUR FAMILY TO HAVE A ROOM FOR HER IN THIS LAST TIME AND EXPLAIN YOU LOVES HER AND YOU NEED LIVE CLOUSE TO SHE.
GOD BLESSED ALL OF YOU.
MY BEST REGARDS.
ALBERTOSKY.
it sounds to me that she has a very good attitude and knows and realises what is going to happen perhaps this is for your benefit ie so you dont worry about her as much and may feel a little bit of a burden with all the travelling you have to do (i am not saying that she is by the way) xx thinking of you