What can I or should I do?!
Question: What can I or should I do!?
My husband and I are going to be divorced soon!. His father has been sick for a very long time with heart problems and was given 6 months to live almost 7 years ago!. He was just diagnosed with lung cancer(in both lungs) and they think it has spread to his lymph nodes!. The doctors are saying it looks to be to far gone!. Where he's a very ill man anyways!. I feel so much regret now about the divorce because he's going thru so much!. To make matters worse, I have a 6 yr old son that is so close to his grandpa!. My fatherinlaw doesn't want him knowing that he's sick or dying!. But, my son has asked why "papaw" isn't acting right!. I don't know what or how to tell him!. I've never delt with anything like this before!. I want to say the right thing to my son!. But, I'm scared that I'll say something wrong!. What would you do if it were you!? Any ideas on what I could do with my fatherinlaw and son to make their times more memorable!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
He needs to know the truth!. Kids understand far more than we think they do!. In my opinion, letting him know and try to understand will make the process much easier on him, as he will be expecting what will happen!. It will be incredibly hard for him, and even worse for you!. But this is not something that any of you can protect him from!. I would try to get papaw to agree to having him visit when he feels well!. But try to make it when he is having good days!. As I am sure you know, there are many things on a cancer patient's bad days that would be way too much for a 6 year old!.
This is a good time for religion!. There are plenty of ones you could choose from!. I always say, if we did make up religion, or if we are delusional, it is because of death!. It is so much easier to accept if you know/believe there is something after!.
Dont be scared about saying something wrong!. Just try to keep things simple, but always honest!. If you dont know the answer, say you dont know!. If he asks if papaw hurts, tell him yes!.
Maybe they could do crafts together if papaw is into that!? Kids always love crafts!. Maybe you could help him make a card!? Ask him if there is anything special he would like to do!. What common interests do they have!? Maybe papaw could read stories!.
If you could get papaw to do it, maybe writing him letters to be given to him later on!. Like letters of general wisdoms, or words of advice!. Or things he would like to tell his grandson, but unfortunatly he isnt old enough for yet!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
This is a good time for religion!. There are plenty of ones you could choose from!. I always say, if we did make up religion, or if we are delusional, it is because of death!. It is so much easier to accept if you know/believe there is something after!.
Dont be scared about saying something wrong!. Just try to keep things simple, but always honest!. If you dont know the answer, say you dont know!. If he asks if papaw hurts, tell him yes!.
Maybe they could do crafts together if papaw is into that!? Kids always love crafts!. Maybe you could help him make a card!? Ask him if there is anything special he would like to do!. What common interests do they have!? Maybe papaw could read stories!.
If you could get papaw to do it, maybe writing him letters to be given to him later on!. Like letters of general wisdoms, or words of advice!. Or things he would like to tell his grandson, but unfortunatly he isnt old enough for yet!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
u have to tell him the truth, but in a way a 6 year old can understand!. tell him his grandpa is a sick man cuz he is very old!. that's the first step!.
when he dies, u need to explain old people die and it is a normal cycle of life ; all living thing must die!.
if he has trouble dealing with it, then seek a bereavement counselor!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
when he dies, u need to explain old people die and it is a normal cycle of life ; all living thing must die!.
if he has trouble dealing with it, then seek a bereavement counselor!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Your son is already asking questions!. I know that you want to protect him in every way possible, but not telling him will not work!. He knows something is seriously wrong !. !. so sit down and tell him in a way that he can understand!. You should tell your FIL that your son needs to know this and may even begin to ask him questions!. You need to be honest with your son if you want him to trust you!. There are books that can help you explain the situation to your son!. There are also online support resources to guide you in what is age appropriate!.
My son had cancer and his doctors were always honest with him !. !. kids know instinctively and you cannot hide the truth!.
ACS: Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing With Diagnosis
http://www!.cancer!.org/docroot/CRI/conten!.!.!.
kids konnected
http://www!.kidskonnected!.org/kids/defaul!.!.!.
Cancer Care for Kids
http://www!.cancercare!.org/get_help/speci!.!.!.
You should definitely give your son the gift of spending time with his grandfather (if he is agreeable) !. !. let them decide how to spend their time with each other even if it is just taking a walk or reading a book together or even your son making a card or small gift and bringing it to his grandfather will make a difference!.
Good luck!. I do not think that the divorce should matter in this case !. !. I know it will be hard for you !. !. but this is about your son and his grandfather !. !. !. you can do it for your son!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
My son had cancer and his doctors were always honest with him !. !. kids know instinctively and you cannot hide the truth!.
ACS: Helping Children When A Family Member Has Cancer: Dealing With Diagnosis
http://www!.cancer!.org/docroot/CRI/conten!.!.!.
kids konnected
http://www!.kidskonnected!.org/kids/defaul!.!.!.
Cancer Care for Kids
http://www!.cancercare!.org/get_help/speci!.!.!.
You should definitely give your son the gift of spending time with his grandfather (if he is agreeable) !. !. let them decide how to spend their time with each other even if it is just taking a walk or reading a book together or even your son making a card or small gift and bringing it to his grandfather will make a difference!.
Good luck!. I do not think that the divorce should matter in this case !. !. I know it will be hard for you !. !. but this is about your son and his grandfather !. !. !. you can do it for your son!.Www@Answer-Health@Com