How do you make someone with cancer feel more comfortable at a family gathering?!
Question: How do you make someone with cancer feel more comfortable at a family gathering!?
my brother (38) has cancer, and i am hosting a family gathering tomorrow!. many of the people live far away and havent seen him since his diagnosis!. he is thin and pale and i get the vibe he is sometimes embarassed by his appearence!. he is very sick and tired right now but he wants to come with his kids!. how can i make him comfortable!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
Answers:
Have some little things nearby: plenty of his favorite beverages, a nice quiet corner for him to sit in if he wants to get away from the noise, and maybe some hard candy!. My mouth always tasted rotten when I was having chemo, and I was always concerned about my breath being bad--hard candy (lemon drops especially) helped this!.
Other than that, let him answer his own questions--and tell people ahead of time to please NOT GIVE HIM ANY ADVICE!. That's the hardest thing to listen to--how people who have never had this illness think you should do this or that or the the other--and they just don't know what you can and cannot do!.
Most cancer patients tire easily!. Some are in pain!. He is probably tired, and anemic--and will have side effects from his chemo/radiation and his after-chemo drugs (steroids!.) They make you sicker than the chemo sometimes!. Keep small children away completely if they have sniffles or a cold!! This is very hard to do diplomatically!. Keep some hand-sanitizer around for him to use after hugging, shaking hands, etc!. Infections spread easily (don't take this lightly!.)
But other than these few things, just treat him well, and happily and no differently than you would anyone else!. Talk about it if he brings it up--don't shy away from the topic! That's awful for a cancer patient!. They sometimes want and NEED to talk!.
Don't be offended if he doesn't eat much or what everyone else eats!. Like I said earlier, your mouth tastes all gunky during chemo and after, and food just doesn't taste the same!. This is quite common!. Let him eat whatever he wants!.
Try not to ask him "how long do you have!?" Unless he wants to tell you, or initiates the discussion!. It's always a good idea to tell those you love how much they mean to you--so I wouldn't stint on that one!.
He probably will just want you all to be yourselves--good and bad!. :DWww@Answer-Health@Com
Other than that, let him answer his own questions--and tell people ahead of time to please NOT GIVE HIM ANY ADVICE!. That's the hardest thing to listen to--how people who have never had this illness think you should do this or that or the the other--and they just don't know what you can and cannot do!.
Most cancer patients tire easily!. Some are in pain!. He is probably tired, and anemic--and will have side effects from his chemo/radiation and his after-chemo drugs (steroids!.) They make you sicker than the chemo sometimes!. Keep small children away completely if they have sniffles or a cold!! This is very hard to do diplomatically!. Keep some hand-sanitizer around for him to use after hugging, shaking hands, etc!. Infections spread easily (don't take this lightly!.)
But other than these few things, just treat him well, and happily and no differently than you would anyone else!. Talk about it if he brings it up--don't shy away from the topic! That's awful for a cancer patient!. They sometimes want and NEED to talk!.
Don't be offended if he doesn't eat much or what everyone else eats!. Like I said earlier, your mouth tastes all gunky during chemo and after, and food just doesn't taste the same!. This is quite common!. Let him eat whatever he wants!.
Try not to ask him "how long do you have!?" Unless he wants to tell you, or initiates the discussion!. It's always a good idea to tell those you love how much they mean to you--so I wouldn't stint on that one!.
He probably will just want you all to be yourselves--good and bad!. :DWww@Answer-Health@Com
with me, i hated people treating me differently!. i hated everyone asking me "how are you feeling!? what do you want!? what can i get you!? etc etc!." so everyone is different!.
so maybe that should be the case in case he doesnt want to talk about it or in case he just wants to be able to enjoy being around family without thinking about his illness!? and if he wants to talk about it, then when people ask things like how are u doing, he'll either go into detail or be vague!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
so maybe that should be the case in case he doesnt want to talk about it or in case he just wants to be able to enjoy being around family without thinking about his illness!? and if he wants to talk about it, then when people ask things like how are u doing, he'll either go into detail or be vague!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Ask him if there is something particular he would like to have to eat/drink (he may be having trouble keeping food down)!.
Make sure there is a comfortable chair in the main room, and other chairs too!. Give him the comfy chair, and encourage others to sit down so he doesn't feel like the only one sitting!.
Designate one person to be the "answerer of questions about how Fred is"!.!.!.!.then relatives can ask him how he is, and if he doesn't want to talk about it, he can say "well, doing OK, but I'm not keen on talking about it, please talk to X if you want to know more about my cancer"
Encourage people to come and say hello to him when they arrive!.!.!.!.but before they get a drink!. Offer them a drink almost as soon as they say hello to him!.!.!.then if they are shocked by his appearance, they can go to the drinks table to hide their shock and return to him with a smile!.
Be prepared to be firm with anyone who is being all "oh dear, you poor thing" or getting upset!. If they can't control themselves and be positive (if that is the approach brother is taking) then they need to go to a different part of the house/garden!. Yes, it sounds selfish!.!.!.!.but your brother needs supporting, not to have to support others!.
Anyway!.!.!.!.those are the things that helped my husband!. Hope you have a great day, and brother comes through OK!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
Make sure there is a comfortable chair in the main room, and other chairs too!. Give him the comfy chair, and encourage others to sit down so he doesn't feel like the only one sitting!.
Designate one person to be the "answerer of questions about how Fred is"!.!.!.!.then relatives can ask him how he is, and if he doesn't want to talk about it, he can say "well, doing OK, but I'm not keen on talking about it, please talk to X if you want to know more about my cancer"
Encourage people to come and say hello to him when they arrive!.!.!.!.but before they get a drink!. Offer them a drink almost as soon as they say hello to him!.!.!.then if they are shocked by his appearance, they can go to the drinks table to hide their shock and return to him with a smile!.
Be prepared to be firm with anyone who is being all "oh dear, you poor thing" or getting upset!. If they can't control themselves and be positive (if that is the approach brother is taking) then they need to go to a different part of the house/garden!. Yes, it sounds selfish!.!.!.!.but your brother needs supporting, not to have to support others!.
Anyway!.!.!.!.those are the things that helped my husband!. Hope you have a great day, and brother comes through OK!.Www@Answer-Health@Com
I've known quite a few cancer patients!. I haven't known any who were embarrassed by their appearance!.
It's the vibe given off by those with whom we interact that makes us uncomfortable!.
Is it possible you are making him uncomfortable with his condition by your own actions and behavior!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
It's the vibe given off by those with whom we interact that makes us uncomfortable!.
Is it possible you are making him uncomfortable with his condition by your own actions and behavior!?Www@Answer-Health@Com
the only thing I can tell you is to make sure everyone treats him the same as they always have, not any different!. Just make sure the "kids" aren't too rough around him, being as he is tired and weak!.Www@Answer-Health@Com