Please Help! My son is bulimic.?!

Please Help! My son is bulimic.?

My 25 year old son is bulimic. I've confronted him with this and he has admitted to it but doesn't see it as a big problem. I want to help him but don't know what to do. He is vomiting every day - several times during the day. He tries to keep it hidden but I know he is deliberately throwing up. Is there anything I can do to help him recognize the major health problems associtated with bulimia. Please help....

Oh I’m so sorry this is going on. The sad part is that ultimately it's something that is out of your control. But you can definitely do some things that may be helpful to both your son and yourself as far as understanding this challenge. I was bulimic for several years and received very valuable therapy.... bulimia...the actual eating disorder.... is not your son's problem, but rather a symptom of a much deeper insecurity. I'm sure you know this. If this helps at all, these here are some little truths that I became aware of in my "re-decision therapy". Although people who deal with eating disorders initially fall into them for many different reasons.... the basic thought process is usually similar an all situations... the feeling of not being "good enough". When I was nine, someone close to me said to me..."I will buy you this outfit" (which was one I really wanted for my birthday) "if you can lose 20 lbs." -- I took on the challenge.... because I honestly believed that 1. I would do ANYTHING to have that outfit... and 2. I believed ...for the first time... that I actually must have been "fat"... and thus... "ugly" and "not good enough" to have this outfit. Later in life... after making that decision I just stated.... and confirming it in my mind several times.... I got married... became pregnant. I was 7 mos. pregnant and my now ex-husband came to me sort of upset..." please promise me you're going to lose that weight after you have the baby....I’m just worried about that"-- yet another huge confirmation that I was still.... fat, ugly, not good enough.... well, to make a long story short... I finally found a way to become all that I thought I never could be... and it gave me a feeling of POWER....CONTROL.... and SUCESS... in the midst of feeling like I was a total failure...and that felt satisfying.... in my experience, what started as a desperate attempt to be thin.... became pretty much a psychotic state of mind that led to a 24/7 preoccupation with binging/purging... I met a girl with the same problem... and we were to say the least.... negative for each other, I learned alot more about the ED... we psychologically comforted each other making this way of life appear "okay".

back to the therapy.... going back mentally.... finding those landmark moments...when I made the decision and reinforced it in my mind, I realized that making this decision...time after time...or any other decision for that matter....caused me to slowly but surely become "what I saw myself as".... thus...self destructive.

Having an ED (known as the good girl's drug) although legal and seemingly harmless to anyone other than yourself.... is no less controlling than a drug addiction....it's a high...an escape, it's EXTREMELY addictive... I'd say probably just as mentally addictive as a substance.

Although I do not blame the people that said these things to me causing me to initially believe that I was worthless.... I had to ...and did for the sake of recovery.... realize and accept that the reason they said these things to me was NOT due to what I looked like, but rather a deep insecurity within themselves... and today I realize how absolutely true that was.... and that's not worth my harming myself, because THEIR insecurities were not and are not my problem.

In my case I actually had to go to these individuals... and confront them... not in a mean way, but for my sake, to get it out of my conscience.... telling them that when they said "blah blah" that it made me feel..... "fill in the blank".... you know what... they didn't realize.... they didn't even remember... saying those things.... but guess what... I did, and that's how things like this happen. I had to forgive them.

I am going way to deep into this. I want to answer your question but mainly I want to help you understand as much as I can how this type of thing can sometimes evolve.

I don't know how long your son has been this way, but chances are there's something that happened in the past that caused him to believe he was not good enough...thus... he is in one way "punishing himself" and in another way "striving for perfection"

To disconnect and recover from the ED... the things that initially bound him to the ED must be dissolved... confronted, understood, accepted and dissolved.

Has acceptance based on performance been something that in anyway he has experienced in his close relationships? This is a form of self - hatred, and as you know can be so very dangerous...not only in what could happen when binging/purging... but further.... drug addiction, and even suicide.... although the re-decision therapy DID cause me to realize the truth about myself .... that I was pretty, that I was not fat... and that I was deserving of happiness.... I did not revert back to the ED... but it did lead to a serious drug addiction, and in the case of my friend "partner in crime with the ED" she attempted suicide... and thank god was found before it was too late. People with this addiction are sad people... and the worst part is... they actually believe that they are worthless... no matter what, and sometimes compliments... or concern about weight loss can actually give them a sense of gratification and deeper desire to continue this behavior.

Here is the name of a book that I still refer to today; something I must always remember is that if I wanted to.... I could be bulimic today... and it would be easy for me.... it always will be that way.... this excerpt from the book "Life Without ED" was something that pretty much turned my thinking around... it brought clarity to my mind when questioning.... "If I'm really not fat... then why is that the exact opposite of what I see when I look at myself"

Again, I hope something I said here helps you, even though I cannot "answer" your question... or give you a solution.... I do hope and pray that I can in someway shed additional light on this challenge you guys are facing.

"Life Without Ed", Jenni Schaefer with Thom Rutledge, 2004 McGraw Hill

Ch.3, p.84/ "Thom’s Turn"

1. The Master Hypnotist

"As you are reading this, allow your attention to drift down to your left foot. Focus all of your attention on your left foot. Just your left foot. Imagine that your left foot is becoming heavy. Very heavy. Notice every sensation that you feel in your left foot. Your left foot continues to become heavier and heavier. Read slowly and pause between sentences to increase your attention on your left foot. It is becoming very heavy. Eventually you won't even be able to lift it.
What did you notice as you read the previous paragraph? Were you hypnotized into experiencing your left foot as growing heavy? Did you resist the suggestions? Either way, you were thinking of your left foot. " ... "Try this: don't think of a purple elephant. Don't think of the color green."
“You may not think so, but people are easily hypnotized. And Ed is a master hypnotist. He hypnotizes you into thinking that you are fat. Just as the previous paragraph had you thinking of your left foot, feeling it becoming heavier, Ed focuses your attention on all the various aspects of your body that make you feel uncomfortable. "Feel the waistline of your pants," is one of his favorites. He makes you feel it, and he makes you see it when you look in the mirror == just like the master hypnotist that he is.
Your left foot did not really become heavier in this exercise, and you are really not as large as Ed makes you feel. (And it is Ed who is objecting to this idea right now. Do you hear him?)"

.... so can this ED make you actually believe... and further...see, and feel things that are NOT ACTUALLY TRUE??? omg. yes.... I asked myself after reading this.... so I guess realistically... I cannot gain 30lbs in 10 minutes.... I mean, I don't know ANYTHING I could eat to gain 30lbs. in 10 minutes.... do you??? Okay.... so, why is it that within seconds.... I can walk in the bathroom, look in the mirror... and feel as though I have gained 30lbs. since the last time I ate... or since yesterday, or since I woke up from my nap.... that excerpt I included above ..... that explained it. Therapy, books, information.... it doesn't cure you.... it's not that easy... this is simply a lil of my experience and hope..... There is hope, I promise.

I have included a link if you are interested in looking more into this book I mentioned. I would imagine you could find a book which may be well suited for a male v. female, this is the only book on the subject that I have read completely, it was... and still is a very encouraging and eye opening read.

Something to remember is that bulimia is blinding him. All sense of reality is distorted. I know you won't give up... and that makes all the difference. Your encouragement and sincere affirmation (especially affirming things unrelated to his performance, appearance or success.... such as his character for instance) will go further than you know.